


Our Little Secret

by shethenightwolf



Category: Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)
Genre: Brother-Sister Relationships, Cheating, Drama & Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Forbidden Love, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, Protective Siblings, Romance, Secret Relationship, Sexual Tension, Young Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-02-26 17:49:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 22,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23669575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shethenightwolf/pseuds/shethenightwolf
Summary: Arthur, as your overprotective brother, has never asked you for anything but this one thing - when you fall in love make sure it’s no one from the gang. However, he should be the one to know best that when love happens, promises can easily be broken.
Relationships: John Marston & Reader, John Marston/Reader
Comments: 24
Kudos: 121





	1. More Than A Friend

**Author's Note:**

> A quick note from me, so everything would make any sense - Reader was born in 1876 and the story happens in 1898.

Life has never been easy, but you always could count on one person. Arthur. Your brother did everything to keep you safe when your parents died. You were young, too young to even remember your mother or father, so your whole life it has always been Arthur. He took care of you when no one else did. Thirteen-year-old boy with a two-year-old sister could not have an easy life, but he rose up to the challenge. He loved you with all his heart - you were his precious sister, the only member of a family he had. It was hard for some time, but it did not last long. You two probably had more luck than anyone else would - one day you were found by two men, Dutch and Hosea, who decided the street was not a place for two orphans and took you with them.

That was exactly how you both ended up in the gang. Precisely, it was Dutch’s gang, but you all knew he could not do anything without Hosea by his side. These two were very good friends and even better partners; Dutch was the uncontrollable one, but Hosea did his best to tame him, so it all worked. That was all that mattered to keep this gang going.

Growing up with a gang was not easy. You were moving a lot and for most of the time, you had no one to talk to except Arthur. Everyone else was treating you like a child, not taking you seriously and it was really frustrating to always listen to what they said without having a right to say a word of objection. 

But one day, your loneliness ended. 

You were nine when you met John, a boy three years older than you, but it did not take you long to get along with him. Soon, he became your friend; he has always been kind to you and always had time for you. He was not like the others, obviously. It took him some time to adapt to all of you but when he did, he quickly became another son for Dutch and Hosea. That was how they used to call Arthur and him while you were just Arthur’s sister. That was all they cared about - their _sons_.

However, both of their _sons_ cared about you. Each one in his own way. John could not give you this brotherly love but provided you with something almost as valuable as Arthur did; a true friendship. Who would have thought these innocent feelings you both shared would turn into something romantic when you two would be adults? Well, some gang members probably thought about it, but there was always the biggest obstacle, you two could not overcome: Arthur. 

When you were about thirteen or fourteen years old he asked you to do one thing for him. Just one thing. Not to fall in love with anyone in the gang. At first, you had no idea why he asked you not to do this. You thought he was joking, but you did not question his request. You tried to explain it by telling yourself he wanted a better life for you; he did not want you to carry on living like that - always on the run, with no perspectives. You understood that and tried to obey this one rule. However, he did not predict one thing; when love appears, nothing else matters. Promises, rules, pacts, everything goes to waste.

And it also happened in your case.

However, you waited too long to tell John how you felt about him and to Arthur’s delight, a girl named Abigail showed up, bringing all John’s attention to herself. She was pretty, no wonder why John hooked up with her. Besides, it was easier for him to be with her than to try to make any move towards you, considering this feeling had ever been mutual. You made peace with this thought and for a moment you thought it would be better like that. 

In the end, you could keep the promise you made to Arthur. 

However, it hurt. Especially, when Abigail announced she was pregnant. At that moment you knew you lost your chance with John, even though he claimed this child was not his, still, you knew him too well and were sure he would take care of this child, whoever the father was. He was a decent man. More, you would even say he was a good man and it was a rare thing in the world you lived in.

You thought this fact would help you to forget about all the things you felt for him, but it did not. The other thing was that it was hard to forget about someone who had been your best friends for almost your whole life. Always there, with you, by your side. Always there as a friend even though you wished he was more than that.

And you could only wonder whether he ever thought about you the way you were thinking about him. 

More than a friend.

So, you almost accepted the fact he might have never thought of you this way. It was just on you and you had to deal with your feelings yourself or at least, you have been thinking this way till that night when it all changed. 

John came to you at the end of the party, drunk as hell. You could smell the alcohol from him before he even spoke a word to you; he has always been clingy when he drank too much and this time was no different. Just as he sat down next to you by the fire he wrapped his arms around you, moving you in front of him, so you were sitting back to him, between his legs. 

“How much did you have?” you giggled and placed your hand on his neck as he leaned his chin on your right arm. 

“Hmmm,” he hummed, “way too many.”

“I should’ve stopped you from drinking with my brother,” you sighed. “It never ends well.”

John did not respond; instead, he moved his head back and you could feel his chapped lips on your neck, as he nipped on your skin gently. At first, you froze; you were not quite sure whether it was not a dream. Then you tilted back your head and rested it on his left arm, but soon you realise whatever was going on at that moment, it was wrong.

He was drunk, probably had no idea what was he doing and that he would regret it in the morning. However, drunk or not, this intimacy between you two was something you truly enjoyed… For a second, you wanted to give in to this moment; no one was around you, no one could see you as everyone else was already sleeping or busy with their own work.

But it was not right. It felt great, but it was not right. You were better than that and with a heavy heart, you stopped him, turning around to look this pretty face of his.

“Stop,” you sighed, “you have no idea what you’re doing.” 

“It’s not true, Y/N” he denied and wanted to get back to kissing your neck, but you gently pushed him away. “I know what I’m doing… I’ve been thinking… I know, we’re friends, but what if we were more than that?“

“John, you’re talking silly,” you shook your head. “Besides, you’re with Abigail and…”

“I’m not with her,” he corrected. 

“Oh, right, you two are just casually sleeping with each other and have a baby together,” you blurted, realising how bad it must have sounded. “I… I’m sorry, John. It’s just… I don’t want you to do anything you’ll regret in the morning.”

You wanted to get away from him before you would start crying; you wished things had been different, you wished you had told him how you felt about him sooner, but you could not. You could not turn back time and you had to live with the thought you, and that stupid promise you made to your brother, ruined everything you could have with John. 

However, as soon as you stood up, he grabbed your hand and pulled you back onto his lap. 

You did not hesitate, because how could you? You wanted him. You have wanted him for so long and now when you had a chance, your morality decided to remind you about itself.

“John, listen,” you told him, looking him in the eyes. “We’ll talk about it in the morning when you’ll get sober, okay?”

“No,” he replied, “tomorrow I won’t have enough courage to do this.” 

“Do wha—” you started, but he interrupted you with a kiss. He started gently as he was not sure if you were not gonna pull away and punch him, but as soon as you relaxed, turning off your thinking, and gave yourself into the kiss, it turned into more passionate than you two expected. You had no idea how much time you two spent making out by the fire, but when you finished, you were running out of breath. “Wh-why did you do that?”

“I got too sick of looking at you from afar, I guess,” John breathed out, brushing a strand of hair out of your face. “I’ve seen the way you looked at me so many times and do you think I’m really this dumb? I just couldn’t stop thinking about you. I tried to stop, I really did. I was with her, but all I could think of was you.”

“John, I—I don’t know what to say,” you murmured, feeling your cheeks burning.

“You don’t need to say anything,” he replied. “Just kiss me once more.”

You did not think long before you did what he asked for, letting yourself get lost in the rush of the moment. You forgot about the whole world around you, forgot about your morals and focused on one person only. John. 

Maybe this moment was not exactly the same as you imagined in your head when you were thinking of him before you fell asleep, but still, it was perfect. 

Sadly for you and him, that night, by the fire, you were not alone. To your and his surprise, all you had done was seen by someone who would definitely use this against you.

But you did not know that then and enjoyed that blissful ignorance.


	2. Reckless Behaviour

It has been a few days since John kissed you by the fire and since that moment you were wondering whether it meant anything more or it was simply a drunk kiss for him. You could not talk to him about it as he was busy, working with other guys outside of the camp and when he came back, Abigail was always there to welcome him with open arms and lead him to their tent.

God knew what they were doing inside and you were better off without thinking about it.

Maybe your hopes were set too high and that was the reason it hurt so much. You expected too much, even though John did not give you any declaration. You were a fool, Y/N, you were a fool, thinking it would all change after a one, stupid kiss.

You needed to stop thinking of it, so you did the best thing to get your thoughts off John. You started washing dishes, hoping it would help you focus on something other than him, but right after you started, you heard the most annoying voice behind your back.

Micah’s.

“Could you be more obvious, Y/N?” he asked, leaning against the table you were standing by.

“What do you mean?” you asked him back, turning slowly to face him.

He looked at you amused, laughing quietly under his breath.

“You really want to get in Marston’s pants, am I right?” he teased. “Don’t answer, it’s a rhetorical question.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” you lied, hoping he would stop bothering you, but instead, he kept talking.

“Oh, you do,” he said. “I saw you two kissing by the fire the other day, so stop telling me…”

“John and I are friends,” you cut him off. “Bite me, Micah.”

“Don’t tempt me,” he bit back. “I was wondering what would your big brother do if he found out John laid his hands on his precious sister?”  
You put away the plate you were holding in your hands and turned to him, clenching your fists that were all in the water. You knew exactly what he meant by asking you this and what was worse, you knew he would be the first one to tell Arthur about what you and John did. The question was why hadn’t he told Arthur about it already?

“What would he do, Micah?” you decided to continue playing his game, trying to find out what he wanted from you. “I’m an adult and I can do whatever I want if you haven’t noticed it already.”

“In that case, I think I’m gonna go and tell him now,” he told you and was about to leave, but you stopped him, grabbing his arm.

“Wait,” you blurted. “What do you want, Micah?”

“I’m bored, Y/N,” he started, “and I don’t like being bored. See, I had this luck to see you have, um, an intimate moment with Marston and I can’t stop myself from using this valuable information,” he paused and you looked at him suspiciously, raising one of your brows. “So, here’s the deal, doll. You spend some alone time with me and I will never tell Arthur what I saw.”

“You…” you hissed, clenching your fists even again till your knuckles went white.

“It’s a win-win,” he interrupted you. “I get what I want and you get your secret safe, which is also what you want. Come on, pretty face, let a real man treat you right.”

“You’re obscene,” you told him and had this weird urge to punch him, but you knew it would not be a wise solution.

“What’s it gonna be? Should I go and tell Arthur?” he moved closer to you and lowered his voice. “I know exactly what Arthur thinks about any of us being with you, but he doesn’t like the thought of John being with you particularly. Your brother talks a lot when he’s drunk,” he chuckled. “Imagine what he would do to this poor boy if he found out what you did.”

“Fine,” you told him angrily, “but you’ll keep your mouth shut.”

“Maybe,” he shrugged. “If you do what I tell you to.”

You wanted to protect John. You wanted to protect him and that was the only reason why you made a deal with Micah, who was right about one thing - if Arthur would find out about John and you, he would definitely make him regret kissing you back then. It was naive of you to believe Micah would keep his word, but you had no other choice. You knew your brother too well and you did not want to test his patience if he would find out you broke a promise you had made to him.

“And what is that precisely?” you asked, feeling it was the only way to keep this secret safe.

“You’re gonna sleep with me, baby doll,” he said casually, “and entertain me for a night.”

“She ain’t gonna touch you with a stick, Micah,” you turned around to see John behind your back; his arms folded on his chest as he continued speaking, “and you wanted to do what to her?”

“You heard me, Marston,” Micah said proudly, “you heard everything and you know she would suck on my dick just to save your ass. Oh my, young, reckless love.”

“You won’t tell a word,” John threatened him. “You know why? Because I can go right away to Arthur and tell him what you offered to his sister and trust me, he will beat the shit out of you. You don’t believe me? Then go, tell him what we did, but be aware that you’re not a saint either. Let’s find out who Arthur trusts more.”

“Let’s forget about it, alright?” Micah said after a pause, raising his hands in surrender and started to back off slowly. “But to be honest, John, I didn’t expect you to care this much about her. Impressive, but don’t let this childish feeling blind you.”

“Childish feeling?” John asked, tilting his head to the side.

“Love,” Micah pondered, “aren’t you too old to believe in it?”

“Get lost, Micah,” John waved his hand at him and watched him go away from you two. When he disappeared out of his sight, he turned towards you and shook his head disapprovingly. “Really, Y/N?”

“Really what?” you asked confused.

“Were you really planning on sleeping with him?” John huffed.

“No,” you denied, “I don’t know. I… I didn’t want you to get in trouble.”

“So you decided Micah would be the perfect candidate for your first time?” His words were bitter and hurt you more than they should have.

He knew all about you; he has been your best friends for years and it was obvious he would choose to hit your weakest spot. You knew he did not do it on purpose, but in one second you became angry and wanted to do one, simple thing: tell him to go to hell.

“Since when you’re the one to choose who is the perfect candidate for me, huh?” you hissed. “You don’t have a right to tell me who I can or can’t sleep with. Besides, I would only do that to protect you, in case you forgot about this tiny detail.”

“You don’t have to protect me,” he murmured.

“Likewise, John,” you shook your head disappointed. “By the way, is this a new way of saying thank you?”

“I won’t thank you for doing stupid things like this,” John blurted, but quickly he realised what he had just said. “Y/N, wait…”

“No. Go to Abigail, she will surely comfort your bruised ego.”

Tears came to your eyes and you walked away from him quickly, not bothering if anyone was watching you or if you would bump into your brother. You wanted to protect him and that was the way he repaid you? These kisses meant nothing for him, everything he was talking about by the fire was not true and he did not mean them. He was drunk and you were an idiot for believing he actually had a thing for you.

You wiped your eyes as you reached your tent and passed Arthur by as you walked inside of it.

“What happened?” Arthur asked, watching you laying down on your mattress.

“Nothing,” you mumbled, “please, leave me alone.”

“Did someone say something to you or…”

“I said leave me alone,” you growled, pouring your frustration and anger on him.

And he did. For the first time in your life, he did leave you alone. Just as you asked.

You knew he would not give that up and would figure out what happened sooner or later, but as John did not care about what you were about to do for him, you did not care about what would Arthur do.

Because why would you?


	3. Double Standards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! I don’t think I have anything to add besides the fact that John is being reckless and douchy, but Arthur’s sister is no better (and more confused&hurt than ever). I guess we all sometimes do stupid things out of love. Oh, and I brought Davey into this. (it’s Mac’s brother, just to be clear!). The only thing I’m scared of is that you will find this brother-sister relationship too intimate(and too abstract), but… But I see it this way. Hope you'll enjoy :) <3

“Please, don’t cry,” Arthur whispered as he came back to your tent in the evening, sitting at the edge of your bunk.

You were lying down, curled up and covered with a blanket, sobbing quietly, but apparently, still too loud as he heard your cries. “Just tell me who did make you this upset.”

“No,” you replied shortly, turning to the other side, so he could not look at your red from crying face, “I’m fine, okay? Just need to calm down.”

“You’ve been lying here for hours,” he pointed and reached his hand to caress the back of your head, “I’m your brother and I can’t stop worrying about you. Do you need a hug?”

You tilted back your head to look at him. “Course, _big teddy bear_,” you teased and let out a small chuckle.

“Stop calling me that,” he grunted and laid down next to you, putting his arm around you. He always used to do that, since you were a little girl, hugging you close to himself and giving you this fuzzy feeling that reminded safety, “you’re not ten anymore.” 

“Yeah, but you will always be a _teddy bear_ for me, no matter how old we are,” you noted and he huffed in response.

“So, will you tell me what happened? Who upset you this much, eh? I bet this is all about a boy,” he joked, “or maybe not? I won’t know unless you tell me.” 

“You’ve been wandering around camp and didn’t figure it out already?” you asked, “what a surprise.” 

“Remember, you promised me that…”

“Of course, I remember,” you interrupted him, “don’t worry about it. It’s not about anyone from here.” 

“Then what’s going on?” 

“You remember when Mary broke your heart years ago?” you asked him, “when you came back to the camp looking as if someone ripped your heart out?”

“I do,” he responded, “and you know what? Looking back, it wasn’t worth it.”

“Easy to say for you now,” you told him, “but you still didn’t quite get over her, do you? I’ve seen the letters, it’s a rhetorical question.” 

Arthur chuckled while his left hand kept caressing your head, “Stop going through my stuff, alright?”

“I don’t go through your stuff,” you blurted in your defence, “not my fault you’re talking in your sleep. M-Mary…” you tried to imitate his voice and tone, but before you could go any further with your play, Arthur pinched you, “Hey, that hurt!”

“Enough, little sister,” he stated and you turned around to face him, “why did you ask me whether I remembered it?”

“Because,” you sighed, “because that’s how I feel.” 

“Listen,” he said firmly, “no matter how ridiculous that sounds, trust me it ain’t worth it.” He paused for a moment, thinking of how to put into words what he had in mind. “You’re beautiful and I’m not saying that because you’re my sister, but because I really think so. Some day you’re gonna make one lucky feller the happiest man alive. So please, don’t bother your pretty head with a guy who doesn’t deserve you, alright?”

You nodded, but you were not sure whether you truly believed in his words. He kissed your forehead and held you close to himself; you returned the hug and you were lying down like that for a while till you were not interrupted by Javier, who peeked his head inside your tent.

“Morgans,” he laughed, but seeing your face he quickly got more serious, “I just wanted to let you know we’re sitting by the fire and ask whether you’ll join us?”

There was a moment of silence and then Arthur asked: “Do you wanna go?”

“Not really,” you whispered, “but you go. I’ll be okay.” 

“I’m not going without you,” Arthur sent you a gentle smile, “you’re the most important woman in my world, you know?”

“Ah, get yourself a girl already, Arthur” you chuckled and patted his arm, “and go with Javi,” you pondered. “I’ll join you in a moment, so you won’t have any remorse.” 

“Comin’, Javier,” Arthur said, freeing from himself from your embrace and getting up from the bed. He had turned to you and looked at you once more before he left with his friend, leaving you alone in the tent.

You propped yourself on your elbows and tilted back your head, wondering whether it was a good idea for you to come out and join the other gang members outside. Your face was red from crying and your eyes were a bit swollen, so you got up and washed your face with cold water, hoping it would help then brushed your hair, looking at the reflection in the small mirror. You had to go out there, for Arthur. He was worrying too much about you already and you did not want to ruin the evening for him. If you would not join him, he would definitely come back and stay with you, which would not help you or him. _It was Arthur…_ Whenever something was going on with you, he could never let it go completely, even though he tried to act as if he did not care, but he always did. That was the way he was and you could not blame him for loving you with all his heart.

You smoothened your dark blue skirt and white shirt, checking whether red marks have already disappeared from your face. When you realised it was not this bad anymore, you left the tent, directing your steps towards the place where all the laughs were coming from: the campfire. The smiling face of your brother made you smile gently when you saw it, but you could not prepare yourself for what happened next. 

As you got closer to the fire, time seemed to slow down when your eyes noticed John with Abigail on his lap. He looked as if he was in a great mood, while your heart was shattering and you could do nothing about it. He noticed you looking at him, but his head was quickly turned back to Abigail as she also noticed you staring at him. You swallowed loudly and looked away, continuing to move forward till you reached Arthur who was drinking another round with Javier and Bill by the fire.

You were trying not to look at John and Abigail, but you could not stop yourself from doing so. It was hard to keep a smile on your face while tears were coming to your eyes, but you kept pretending everything was fine. 

“What’s going on, Y/N?” Karen snapped from behind your back as she snuck at you, “you look as if you’ve been crying.”

“No, I’m good,” you told her while she sat beside you and handed you the glass of whiskey, “thanks.”

“To the bottom,” she raised her glass and you both drank up from your glasses. “Damn, this is strong.”

“Y-yeah,” you coughed and Arthur immediately turned around to look whether you were fine.

“This brother of yours,” Karen chuckled, “you’re still twelve for him, aren’t you?”

“Still his little sister,” you admitted and turned back to Arthur, so he could not watch you as you were talking with Karen.

“Hard to blame him,” the girl shrugged and gave you a meaningful look, “try to imagine yourself in his position. He’s got a younger, pretty sister to look after when every man around wants to get to her.”

“No one wants to get to me,” you denied, peering at her. 

“I’ve heard the part of the conversation you had with Micah,” she told you, “he’s gross.” Karen looked at Arthur, “Good he doesn’t know, right? He would skin him alive if he knew.” 

“Probably,” this time you shrugged, “I don’t know what’s his problem, though. I’m an adult, Karen, I can do whatever I want.” 

“Yes and no,” she laughed. “You see…”

“I just can’t understand why he can’t stand a thought that any one of them could be with me,” you blurted, “I mean…”

“I know what you meant,” she winked at you, “I’m not stupid.”

You gave her a questioning look and she stood up, dragging you with her to the side, “so, who’s this lucky guy?”

A sigh escaped your mouth and you shook your head, realising you did not want Karen to be involved in all of this. Micah already knew about the kiss you shared with John and now you were supposed to share your secret with Karen? It was not gonna happen…

“It’s John, isn’t it?” she dragged you out of your thoughts with a question that caught you off guard, “I ain’t blind. The way you two look at each other…”

“How is it possible that everyone sees it?” you whined, covering your face in your hands.

“Well, most of us,” she admitted, “except Abigail and Arthur, of course. But you know what? I think Abigail started having suspicions and that’s why she’s so obvious with John now,” she was talking, “I remember the time when she couldn’t stand him and now what? She just can’t keep her hands off him!”

“It doesn’t matter what she does, Karen,” you told her, “whatever she’s doing, John clearly enjoys it…”

“Men…” she shook her head, “I can’t understand them sometimes.”

“I can’t understand them at all,” you joked and she laughed, making you smile.

“It’s gonna be fine, Y/N,” she patted your arm, “just don’t give him this satisfaction and don’t cry over him, alright?” She pointed her head in John’s direction, “it’s his loss, not yours.”

_Oh, Karen if you only knew how complicated this whole situation was,_ you thought to yourself, but instead of telling her that you smiled weakly at her and she returned it. 

“Shall we go back to the others?” you asked and she gave you a nod, “and can you not tell Arthur about it?”

“Sure,” she replied, “but I have one condition.”

Of course… Everyone wanted something for keeping your secret to themselves, right? But you did not tell her that either.

“What condition?” you asked instead.

“Have fun tonight,” she said, “cause if I see you crying, I’m gonna tell Arthur who caused that,” she paused. “Consider it a threat, Miss Morgan.”

“I guess I can do that,” you replied, feeling such a relief inside yourself. 

“That’s the spirit,” she laughed as you two walked back to the campfire. 

There were fewer people by the fire as they split into smaller groups and were sitting by the tables instead. You looked around, realising Arthur was sitting far away from the fireplace with Bill, Davey, Javier and Micah. Another table was occupied by Molly, Dutch and Hosea while Susan, Tilly and Mary-Beth were sitting by the last one, the one that was the closest to you and Karen. The rest of the gang members were still sitting by the fire, John and Abigail included, or were simply wandering around the camp. 

“I’m gonna check on Arthur,” you said suddenly, realising it was the safest option for you to choose, “what about you, Karen?”

“I’m gonna go and find Sean,” she winked at you, “don’t look for me, okay?”

“Sure,” you murmured and she walked away.

You were left on your own and started walking towards the furthest table where your brother was sitting at. You hesitated for a moment, realising Micah was also there, but at the same time, you knew you could not let him scare you. You walked to them and stopped behind your brother’s back, but your presence was quickly noticed by Davey who said loudly:

“Hey there, princess.”

“Careful, Callander,” Micah laughed, “or Morgan will kill you in a blink of an eye,” he teased.

“Don’t worry, Micah,” Davey replied, “you’re the first one to hang,” he bit back and washed away the smile from his friend’s face. 

“Could you please stop talking about my sister as if she wasn’t here?” Arthur grunted, “I’ll finish anyone who will lay a finger on her without her consent, so beware. All of you.”

A laugh escaped from Micah’s mouth, but it soon ended as Arthur stuck his knife into the wooden table, right between Micah’s thumb and forefinger. 

“One more laugh, you rat,” Arthur hissed, “and you’re gonna say goodbye to your fingers, one by one.”

“Alright, gentlemen, this is getting out of hand,” Davey laughed as he saw your scared face. “Would you like something to drink, sugar?” he asked, noticing you were holding an empty glass in your hand. 

“A whiskey, maybe,” you said shyly and placed your glass on the table. 

“Sure thing,” Davey replied and poured some whiskey into the glass.

“I’ll bring you a chair,” Arthur said out of sudden and got up, but Davey waved at him, telling him to sit down. 

“Come on,” he patted his knee, “I don’t bite and even if I did, the thought of your brother’s eyes on me won’t allow me to do anything stupid.”

Arthur chuckled, but then nodded at you, assuring you he would not mind that. You smiled at him and then sat on Davey’s knee; it felt nice when he smiled comfortingly at you and raised his glass to make a toast. 

“Here’s to good fun,” Davey said, “and a good time.”

“Here’s to that,” Javier spoke for the first time since you joined them at the table. 

After the glasses clicked, you all drank up what you had. And from one toast to another, you all were drunk pretty quickly, laughing and joking between each other and at some point you stopped caring what anyone would think. You promised Karen you would have fun, so you did, but still, you could not stop thinking about John. 

And to be completely honest, you were hoping that you were on his mind too.


	4. Young And Foolish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! I don’t really know what I can write here this time - writing this story is fun and even though I didn’t plan to bring more Davey into this story - sorry not sorry - I did it. Well, I’m gonna shut up already. Enjoy! 💛

It was so easy to lose control while Davey was pouring whiskey into your glass every time you emptied it. It was so easy not to think about things that were painful to you and just forget about everything that was bothering you, even if it was just for a short while. Drink after drink, it was easier to get John off your mind and replace it with someone else - Davey.

Maybe it was desperate of you, but when alcohol spread in your system, you quickly forgot about everyone around you and everything that was holding you back. With the corner of your eye, you saw Arthur walking away as he probably did not want to bother himself with watching you all the time, making it so easy for you to flirt with the man on whose lap you were sitting. To your surprise, Davey did not mind that. On the contrary, he seemed to truly enjoy it. The thought of Arthur’s little sister flirting with him must have surely boosted his man’s ego. You placed your hands on his arms and then moved them closer to his neck, playing with the collar of his white shirt after you undid the first button.

“Someone’s here has had enough for the night,” Davey whispered to your ear as he brought his face close to yours. “Don’t do anything you will regret in the morning, _ princess _.”

“I’m not doing anything like it,” you replied and bit your bottom lip, knowing you were testing Davey’s patience by teasing him like this. “My brother isn’t looking and I thought…”

“Thought?” he chuckled and his right hand brushed back the strands of your hair that has just fallen on your face, “no offence, sugar, but you’re not able to think clearly right now.”

“I thought,” you were determined to finish what you started saying, “I thought that we could spend some time just in two,” you blurted and your eyes wandered down. “Don’t tell me you wouldn’t want that too.”

“Want what? Name it,” Davey seemed curious, but after a while without getting an answer from you, he decided to name it himself. “You want me to fuck you, right? You needy little thing,” his other hand wandered down your leg and lifted your skirt as it moved back up. “Such a pretty girl you’re, Y/N, but I ain’t this dumb or that wasted to fulfil your request,” he withdrew his hand after it had reached your thigh, “I respect you more than you think I do. Also, I’m quite sure an old prick like me ain’t your type.”

“It ain’t true,” you told him, meaning what you had said. “You’re a handsome man, Davey Callander.”

“And you’re beautiful girl, Y/N Morgan,” he replied and without a warning, he stood up with you in his arms. “That’s why I’m taking you to your bed. Come on, you can kick your legs in the air as long as you want, I won’t put you down,” he laughed.

“I meant that Callander!” you yelled and tried to get yourself free, but he was holding you firmly and you knew you were only wasting your energy.

“Shhh,” he shushed you, “you don't want to wake the entire camp, do you?”

He entered your tent and laid you down on the bunk. Fortunately, Arthur was not there, but it did not change his plan to put you to sleep. It was not easy as you were struggling with him for a while, but you got tired quickly as he was much stronger than you were and soon you stopped fighting back.

“That’s it, princess,” he said in a calm voice as he finally managed to put the blanket over you. “You’re gonna have a terrible headache in the morning.”

“I don’t care,” you told him, feeling it was getting harder for you to keep your eyes open, “I meant that Davey, you’re handsome and…”

“You’re drunk, Y/N,” he interrupted, “you won’t remember anything from it tomorrow, so don’t bother your head with it.”

“My brother is gonna be so mad at me…”

“Don’t worry about him,” Davey comforted you, “try to get some sleep, alright? I’ll see you in the morning.”

“No, no, stay with me,” you held out your hand to him. “There’s… There’s plenty of space… Plenty of space here…” You managed to say and you reached the point where tiredness was way too big for you to handle. Your head fell on the right side and you fell asleep, hearing him saying:

“Goodnight, _ princess _.”

*

Davey was right.

The headache was huge and as soon as you woke up, your head began throbbing and you felt nauseous right after your eyes accommodated to the morning light. Every sound seemed loud, making you feel uncomfortable with being awakened. You did not have the energy to get out of bed, not mentioning explaining everything that happened last night to Arthur. You remembered every part of it, which was worse than not remembering anything at all.

“Rise and shine!” Suddenly Arthur walked into your tent with a cup of coffee in his hand.

“Shut up,” you moaned, covering your head with a blanket, “don’t speak so loud.”

“Oh, so it’s that bad,” he stated and could not help a laugh, “my dearest sister has a hangover. Don’t worry, it’s gonna get better in a few hours,” Arthur placed a coffee down next to your bed, “it always does.”

“How is that possible you’re feeling this good? I saw how drunk you were yesterday and…”

“I don’t drink as rarely as you do,” he had replied before you could finish.

“Oh, right,” you sighed, knowing he had a point. “Do you need something, Arthur? I think I could use a nap… Maybe when I wake up I’ll feel better, because right now my head is killing me.”

“Actually, I wanted to ask you to do me a favour,” he showed you the letter he was holding in his left hand, “could you ride to Blackwater and send it for me?”

“Why can’t you do it yourself?”

“I’ve got some errands to run,” he explained briefly. “Come on, Y/N. If you help me, I’ll save you from doing chores for Mrs Grimshaw.”

“Who’s that letter for?” you looked at him questioningly. “Let me guess… Mary Linton?”

“Maybe,” he looked away, trying to hide from your judging eyes. He had cleared his throat before he asked: “So, will you help a brother in need?”

“Yeah,” you said, “but only because I’m aware Mrs Grimshaw will probably storm in here any second, asking what I am still doing in bed,” you sat up reluctantly, “but Arthur, will you ever learn? She’s married and I don’t know what you’re expecting from her.”

“I expect nothing,” he replied in his defence, “I just… I just care for her.”

“Keep telling yourself that,” you huffed and somehow forced yourself to get up. “Put the letter on my bunk, I will wash my face first and then ride to Blackwater.”

“Thank you,” Arthur placed the letter where he was told, “you’re the best.”

“I know,” you smirked, “now leave before I change my mind.”

“You prefer doing chores, huh?”

“God, you’re so annoying,” you murmured and Arthur laughed in response then left.

You took a moment to get yourself ready, washing your face with cold water from the bowl and changing your clothes. Considering you were about to ride to Blackwater, you chose to wear brown trousers, instead of another blue skirt and changed your shirt for the clean one. Feeling the pulsating pain in your head, you left the tent and directed your steps towards the horses.

“Hey, Y/N,” you turned around to see Davey running after you. _ How was it possible they all feel so well after a night of drinking? _ “How are you feeling?”

“I’ve been better,” you told him as you reached your horse, white Appaloosa named Danny. “I think I owe you thanks for getting me to bed last night.”

“Do you remember…”

“I remember everything, but don’t make me talk about it, cause I’m gonna burn from shame,” you interrupted him and the memories of what you were doing last night filled up your mind. “I’m so sorry for my behaviour,” you apologised and sent him a weak smile, “and thank you for not telling Arthur about it.”

“Don’t mention it,” he replied. “Listen, I… I don’t want to be nosy, but what happened to you yesterday?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Davey,” you were not in the mood for explaining to him what exactly you did want to achieve by drinking glass after glass. “I just wanted to spend good time with a handsome man like you,” you winked at him, hoping it would make him forget about what he wanted to ask you, “I remember calling you that and actually, it was the thing that I meant.”

“You’re a bad liar, _princess_,” Davey laughed. “However, it’s nice to know you also find me handsome when you’re not drunk,” he said. “I won’t be pushing you, okay? Just… If you want to talk to someone who’s not your brother, I’m here. Micah can mock me about it, but I really like you, Miss Morgan.”

“Right back at you,” you smiled, “if that’s worth something.”

“It is,” Davey returned the smile. “So, where are you heading?”

“Blackwater,” you replied and then you reminded yourself of one important moment thing. “The letter. Fuck, I forgot it from the tent. I’m heading to the post office without a letter to send,” you slapped your forehead with the palm of your head. “I’m gonna be right back,” you told him and hurried towards your tent.

It did not take you long to come back, but when you did you saw John was already arguing about something with Davey. After a while, you realised what was the matter and to your surprise, you were the reason they were fighting.

“Leave her alone, Callander,” John growled, pushing Davey angrily.

“Or what? What are you gonna do, Marston? Kick my ass? Come on then, _ boy_,” Davey provoked him.

“Hey, hey,” you decided it was enough and tried to split them, walking between them with your arms spread wide, “calm down, both of you!”

“Forgive me, Y/N, but he can’t get over the fact someone else beside him can talk to you,” Davey said, trying to get to John, “no wonder why! He’s drooling over you whenever he sees you.”

“Oh, fuck you!” John exclaimed and pushed you aside, “she’s my best friend and I won’t let some old prick like you use her!”

“What?” Davey asked surprised by his words, “do you think that’s what I want?” He laughed, “Oh, don’t be ridiculous! I could have her, let me think, last night and you know what? Unlike you, I think using my brain not dick!”

And with these words, Davey crossed the thin line of John’s patience. At that moment, when you saw the rage in your friend’s eyes, you knew it would not end well and only you could stop it. Or at least you thought you could, no matter how foolish it was of you. John tried to punch Davey, but to his surprise, his opponent was quicker and stronger. Davey fought back, punching John right in the face, infuriating him even more. Not thinking much, you went between them again, getting punched in the face by John right after you made a step towards.

They both seemed to calm down in a second, seeing you back off with your hand covering the nose and mouth that were all in blood. John wanted to hit Davey, but you got in the line and instead of him, you were the one with the bruised nose. You sat down on the ground, the world spinning around you and the pain spreading through your whole face, making a few tears fall on your cheeks.

“Fuck, Y/N, I’m so sorry,” John blurted as he fell on his knees next to you.

“You’re a fucking moron, Marston,” Davey hissed, pushing him away and crouching beside you. He had cupped your face, forcing you to look at him, before he tilted back your head. “Ouch, _ princess_, it doesn’t look well,” he gently touched your nose and you moaned, “ah, but you’ll live, it’s not broken.”

As the world around you was still spinning it was hard for you to concentrate and process everything that was going on. With the corner of your eye, you saw John with his hands all over his face as the sense of guilt overwhelmed him, but you knew well that he did not do in on purpose. 

It was an accident.

“Will any of you h-help me stand up?” you asked suddenly, realising you did not want the other gang members to see you like this.

“Sure,” Davey spoke first and carefully helped you up. You put your arms around him and he walked with you to the side, behind the wagon where all the medical staff were being kept. “Want me to clean this up?”

“I’ll do it,” John offered, appearing by Davey’s side, “if she lets me. Y/N, I’m truly sorry I didn’t mean to....”

“You should’ve thought before you hit her,” Davey grunted and you withdrew your arms as he sat you on the barrel.

“It’s okay, Davey,” you sent him an assuring smile, “can you give us a moment? I think he and I need to talk.”

Davey gave you a nod and walked away, respecting your decision. Just as you were in two, John grabbed a clean cloth and watered it before he gently washed the blood out of your chin.

“Why did you do that, Y/N?” he asked quietly, moving the cloth from the chin to your lips. “You… I’m so sorry, I wasn’t thinking straight and didn’t notice you there…”

“You think I would let you and Davy kill each other for nothing?” you chuckled, “ouch…”

“You’re insane,” John shook his head and carefully began cleaning your nose, “damn, Arthur’s be pissed. Your nose is pretty bruised…”

“The only thing you care about is how Arthur will feel?” you huffed. “I beg you,” you rolled up your eyes. “Why did you start arguing with Davey in the first place?”

“I saw you two yesterday,” he sighed. “You were sitting on his laps and looked so glad. He was touching you and… I just...”

“Got jealous?” you finished for him, “welcome to my world, John. The world when I constantly see you with another woman,” you said in a bitter tone.

“It’s different, Y/N…”

“No, it’s all the same,” you interrupted him. “The only difference is that you can do whatever you want and I can’t because you get jealous and show it to the whole world while I keep my feeling bottled up and… I’m tired of it, John. You know how I feel about you, but you don’t give a damn. I’m tired of pretending I’m okay with you and Abigail being together, I’m tired of being your friend when I can’t stop thinking of the night by the fire and…”

“Is that why you were trying to sleep with Davey?” John asked quietly. “Would you think of me while he would be the one fucking you?”

“I don’t know why, John. All I know is that I wanted to forget about the pain you caused to me when I saw you with her again,” you admitted, “and when you got mad at me because I wanted to protect you…”

“I should be the one protecting you, not otherwise,” he interrupted you and put the cloth away, coming closer to you. “I got angry because I don’t even want to imagine you being with another man. Do you understand?”

“Then how can you expect me to accept you actually being with another woman?”

“I can’t,” he shook his head and you looked up at him, “Oh, what I would give so you would always look at me with your beautiful eyes.

“All you need is ask,” you said quietly, placing your hands on his arms and lifting yourself gently, He leaned down instinctively as if he knew what you were planning. His hands grasped your ass, steadying you as your lips met in a gentle kiss. You closed your eyes while he was trying not to make any rapid movements, doing his best not to cause you any more pain. You parted your lips, letting his tongue slid into your mouth and play with yours for a while. When he pulled away from a little, you bit his bottom lip and John let out a small moan. A weird but pleasant feeling spread through your body and what you two were doing felt so right to you. Why did it have to be this wrong then?

“We shouldn’t…” he breathed out, but at the same time you felt he did not want this moment to end, “we shouldn’t do that.”

“Don’t you like it?” you asked, opening your eyes slightly. “I thought you were enjoying it as much as I was,” you told him then froze, hearing sound of someone’s footsteps coming from the side.

“Well, well, well,” Davey spoke from afar and you immediately felt your heart pounding in your chest as if you were caught red-handed, “it all makes sense now, kids.”


	5. Why Won't You Just Tell My Brother?

“Davey,” you blurted, feeling your cheeks turning red instantly. “I… It’s not what you think it is.”

John gave you a questioning look, processing what you just said. He looked confused as he realised you just instinctively denied kissing him while Davey let out a quiet chuckle.

“What’s so funny?” you asked in an offended tone. 

“I ain’t blind, Y/N,” he responded when he finished laughing, “I’m sorry for interrupting you two, but I thought we should all come up with a story that we’ll tell Arthur. Your nose is a little bit swollen, princess and I doubt kisses from your prince will make it disappear.”

“Oh, shut your mouth,” John growled.

“Why so angry, Marston?” Davey asked. “You should be happy I came here, not Abigail. She would definitely make a scene if she saw you kissing another girl,” he looked at you and smirked, “but as a man, I can’t blame you. Y/N is way prettier than her and so innocent, right?”

“She’s my best friend,” John said in his defence, but Davey did not seem to believe him. 

“Oh, I don’t doubt that,” the man replied. “What I’m not sure about is whether she’s just your best friend. Do you kiss all your best friends like that?”

“Fuck off.”

“Alright, so you both prefer living in denial...”

“I’ll handle Arthur,” you interrupted them, trying to stop them before they would begin arguing again. “I’ll tell him that I… I fell or… I’ll figure something out,” you said, but they laughed at your poor excuse. “Just… Don’t try to help me here,” you gave them a serious look. “Anyway, I have to go and post the letter Arthur gave me, so maybe in a few hours I’ll look better.”

They had exchanged confused looks before John spoke first. 

“He won’t believe you if you tell him that you fell,” he noted, “besides, you shouldn’t ride alone. You sure that you’re feeling good?” 

“I’ll ride with her, Marston, relax,” Davey spoke and stepped forward. “You’ve done enough for the day.”

“Maybe let her decide who she wanna go with,” John glared at him. “Y/N?”

Davey shrugged while the only thing you wanted was to vanish. Things were getting out of your control and if you continued acting so reckless, soon Arthur would know about everything you were trying to hide so desperately. Besides, he would not be the only one who would find out. The whole camp would and it could ruin both of your lives, considering John was with Abigail even if it was only for his son. 

Whenever he was with you, he was cheating on her. No matter what you two felt towards each other, it was a fact and you were both guilty.

“It won’t be a trouble for you?” You turned towards Davey. 

“Not at all,” he replied then smiled warmly.

“You must be fucking kidding me,” John hissed and threw up his hands, “are you serious, Y/N?”

“Why wouldn’t I be serious?” you looked at him with your right brow raised. “It’s for the better, John. Stay here with Abigail before she will start asking you questions…”

“Oh, now you care about her?”

“No, I care about delivering this goddamn letter for Arthur and making a decent excuse why my nose is swollen,” you explained, trying to sound confident. “We’ll talk later, okay? Don’t be mad... ” 

“Whatever,” John murmured and walked away without a goodbye.

He was pissed, but so were you. No, actually, you were more disappointed rather than pissed, because at that moment you realised one, important thing. He would never be yours, not the way you wanted him to be. It was a painful thought, but it was the truth. As long as he was with Abigail, there was no chance you could be together even if you kept it as a secret.

The truth always comes out to light in the end, doesn’t it?

“Hey, don’t worry,” Davey comforted you and patted your arm. “He’ll get over it. No matter how you feel towards each other, first of all, you’re friends and never forget about that.” 

_ Friends… _ That was what you were. That was what you always have been. Were you really ready to put it to the risk? Your feelings were strong, but your mind was stubborn. Your heart kept saying ‘go for it’ while your brain kept bombarding you with ‘it ain’t worth it, don’t lose him as a friend’. It has been like that for years. The endless conflict before what you knew and what you felt.

“Why did you choose me to go with you?” he asked you out of sudden, noticing you were deep in your thoughts.

“What?” you blurted, realising you didn't quite catch what he said. 

“Why did you choose me to go with you not John?” he replied and specified his question.

“It’s complicated,” you told him as you began walking slowly towards the horses. You tried not to look at anyone except Davey, so the others would not notice your bruised face. “It’s just… I really like him, you know? More than I should like a friend,” you sighed, “but then, there’s Abigail. Oh, and there’s also my brother who can’t stand a thought of me being with anyone in the camp.”

“You’re a grown-up, Y/N,” Davey stated and peeked at you, “don’t you think you should decide what’s good or wrong for you? Arthur won’t be able to protect you forever. I know he would love that, but he will begin hurting you instead of protecting at some point.”

“Yeah, but I… I just wonder why he’s so upset about it. I mean, why does he care so much about me not being with any men from here. I don’t know what Arthur expects. Does he want me to marry some rich man from high class? I’m an outlaw, Davey. I’ve been one since I was born. I don’t know any other life than this and I…”

“I don’t want to justify your brother, but I’m sure he does what he does because he wants a good life for you,” he said. “You could leave, start your life somewhere safe, with someone who would take good care of you…”

“I don’t want that,” you interrupted him, “I never wanted that, but also, Arthur never asked me what I wanted.”

When Davey did not respond for a while, you continued talking. “You know what I want? It’s simple. I want to be with who I want to be, but instead, I’m scared of what my brother will think and do.”

“Talk about it with Arthur,” Davey replied shortly. “One way or another, you two will have to talk or he will just catch you red-handed with John as I did. Trust me, it will upset him even more than an honest conversation.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” you chuckled, “I’m just postponing the inevitable.”

You reached your horses and you had watched Davey mounting his black mustang before you climbed onto Danny. The two of you rode off to Blackwater, quickly leaving camp behind your backs. It was still early while you two were riding side by side, enjoying the ride and the cool air of the morning. 

The town was not far away from the camp - it was 15 minutes ride and this particular one you spent in silence, getting lost in your thoughts and trying not to think how much your nose hurt till you arrived in Blackwater.

It did not take you long to post the letter, hoping Mary would not mind the slightly dirty envelope or at least she would not mention it in her reply. You left the post office in a hurry and searched for Davey who had said he would be waiting outside for you. You spotted him right away, leaning against the wooden fence. 

“You look pretty even with your nose swollen,” he remarked and made you blush.

“Thanks… I guess,” you replied, “the postal worker might not share your opinion though.”

“Has he told you anything?”

“No, he needn’t have to,” you laughed, “he looked at me and I knew exactly what he thought.”

“So, you want to go back to the camp right away?” Davey asked as you two approached your horses. “I’m asking because the day is lovely and it would be nice to spend it with a nice companion.”

“What do you have in mind?” you asked intrigued. 

“We could rest a little by the lake,” he suggested, “I guess your head is still hurting after yesterday’s night.”

“Well, you’re not wrong. I could use some peace and quiet before we come back.”

“Come on then. There’s a nice spot behind the Town-Hall where you will be able to take a nap,” he said and grabbed the reins of his horse. 

“Lead the way.”

*

“Why won’t you tell my brother the truth?” you asked as you opened your eyes and turned your head towards your companion. You were laying down beside him on the grass, trying to get some sleep, but this question could not leave your head. 

“Hmmm,” Davey hummed quietly, “why won’t you tell him yourself?”

“Because he will get mad,” you turned your head so you were looking ahead, “and if I tell him I will also admit I lied to him which will upset him even more.”

“And then what? He’ll kill John?” he joked, but when he saw your serious face he knew you were considering it as one of the options. “Please, don’t tell me you actually believe it.”

“Thing is that I don’t know what I believe in,” you replied. “I don’t think I’ve ever been this confused, Davey. Things had been easier before John kissed me, trust me. I mean, I had had feelings for him before that, but it was easier to hide them from everyone.”

“You included?”

“Yeah, I think I was hiding them from myself too,” a small chuckle escaped your mouth. “Isn’t it ridiculous? I’ve been telling myself for years that I don’t have feelings for him, but I was just fooling myself and now… I have to watch him being with someone else. Oh, and Jack…”

“It ain’t easy, but you will work things out,” Davey interrupted, “I saw the way John looked at you and the way you looked at him, Y/N… You might have made some mistakes, but it’s never too late.” He paused for a moment, thinking about something intensively. “I know it’s not related, but seriously I can’t stop thinking… Why did you want me to go with you instead of him? Please, don’t tell me it’s _ complicated _ again.”

“To be honest, I needed to cool down and with John, it wouldn’t be possible,” you admitted. “Besides, I wanted to talk to you in private. I don’t want you to think of me badly.”

“Because you’re in love with him? Come on…”

“No, not because of that,” you shook your head, “but because of what happened last night. I don’t want you to think I wanted to use you or something.”

“Use me?” With the corner of your eye, you could see a smirk on his face. “I wouldn’t mind that, princess, but I know you’d do that only to get your thought of him out of your head and _ you _ would regret that later, not me.” 

“You’re telling me you wouldn’t regret that?”

“No. I’d be pleased, but it wasn’t about me. What? You didn’t expect an answer like that coming from me, huh?”

“To be honest? No. I thought you were like most of the men I know,” you said and sighed deeply. “Micah saw me and John the other day too, but unlike you, he blackmailed me, saying if I slept with him, he wouldn’t tell Arthur about what he had seen…”

“He did what?” Davey asked surprised, “What a dick. I’m so sorry you were put in that position.”

“It’s okay,” you said with a calmness in your voice, “Micah is a greedy, old man. Oh, and also obscene one.”

Davey laughed and sat up, so he could look at you from above. “I’m glad to hear you were not bothered by his words. So, did you tell Arthur…”

“Is Micah still breathing?” you had asked before he could finish his question and Davey nodded in response. “You’ve got the answer then.”

“Yeah, I think Arthur would be capable of killing him for this,” he agreed and you both laughed at the irony of the situation. “Seriously, talk to Arthur about John. Tell him how you feel, before he will find this out on his own.”

“I’ll think about it, alright?” You also sat up and realised Davey was watching you carefully. “What?”

“It doesn’t look that bad anymore. Your nose, I mean… You’re gonna have a bruise or two, but,” he moved his hand and touched your nose gently, “you’ll live. It’s not broken. Otherwise, you should be already yelling from the pain.”

“Thanks, Doc,” you told him, “not only for the diagnosis but for talking to me. Arthur and I are close, but we’ll never be able to talk things like this, for sure.”

“I’m glad the talk with the man you almost slept with helped,” Davey laughed and stood up, holding out his hand to you. “Come on, let’s get back to camp.”

“Do we have to?” you whined and let him help you stand up.

“Yes, we do,” he stated firmly. “I’m not the only one who should talk to today.”

“I know,” you sighed. “So, let’s go before I change my mind.”


	6. Just Friends

“What the hell happened?” These were the first words you heard from your brother the moment he saw you back in the camp. To your surprise, he was not mad, but concerned and then he began bombarding you with questions like ‘_ how? when? why? _’, which you did not want to answer. 

“I was doing chores and fell, not a big deal,” you explained briefly, trying to sound reliable. “I’ve always been such a lubber.” 

“But you’ve never hurt yourself like that,” he tilted your head to the side carefully and took a closer look at the bruises next to your nose. “Did it hurt much?” 

“Not enough to stop me from going to the post office,” you chuckled quietly. “I sent the letter you’d given me this morning, so expect the answer from your Mary.” 

“I see you’re doing just fine, considering you’re still malicious to me,” Arthur backed off and helped you to stand up from your bunk. “Thank you.”

“I told you, I’m doing alright,” you assured him, “my face might not look good, but I feel just fine.” 

“So you say,” Arthur sighed and you thought he would let you go, but instead he asked you another question, the one you did not expect at all. “So how was it with Davey?” 

You could not hide your surprise and gave him a questioning look; he chuckled seeing your shocked facial expression and how confused you were, so he specified: “He told me he rode with you since you insisted on going to the post office despite your injury. Took you a while, huh?” 

“It was okay if you have to know,” you replied.

“I was surprised you did not ask John to go with you,” Arthur said as you two went out of the tent, “I thought you guys were best friends.” 

“I guess we still are, but as you can see, I can have more than one friend.”

“So you and Davey are friends now too?” 

“Oh, stop it, Arthur,” you whined, “don’t you have your own problems to take care of?”

“I was just curious, but since you’re not in the mood to talk with your brother I won’t be bothering you anymore then, miss Morgan,” he teased. “Take some rest and I beg you, watch out for yourself.” 

“And where are you going?” 

“Aren’t we minding our businesses now?” he replied cheekily and walked away, directing his steps towards the horses. He was probably riding off for a job or bounty, but you did not ask any more details since he did not dig out what exactly happened to your nose. 

As Arthur rode away, you decided to take a walk, instinctively looking for John and finding him quickly at his favourite spot. He was sitting under the lonely tree not so far from the camp, his eyes slightly closed and he looked as if he was napping, but the moment you approached him, he said: 

“You’re back so early? Date with Davey didn’t go well?”

“I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear that,” you told him and without asking for his permission, you sat down beside him. “I handled the situation with Arthur, so you know, there’s nothing to worry about anymore,” you spoke after a moment of uncomfortable silence. “Hey, what’s going on with you, John?”

“What’s going on with me?” He puffed. “Nothing, besides the fact you clearly prefer Davey’s company these days.”

“Come on, don’t be jealous, John,” you nudged him. “There’s nothing between Davey and I or at least nothing you should be worrying about, I swear.”

“I’m not jealous,” he denied. “We’re just friends, so do whatever you want to do.” 

“Hey, don’t push me away while we both know it’s not true,” you said quietly and he turned his head to you. “I didn’t want you to ride with me today, because I needed a moment to cool off. I tend to do stupid things when you’re around because I’m so frustrated we can’t be together… It drives me insane.” You looked up and shook your head slowly. “No matter how hard I try to be just your friend, I always end up thinking about how badly I’d like to be in Abigail’s shoes.”

“She and I… It was a mistake.” John sighed. “A mistake that ended up with the biggest miracle, but it doesn’t change a fact this whole relationship was bad for both of us. I wish I could turn back time, Y/N, but I can’t and I know that if… If we were together, life would be much more complicated than it already is.”

“So you’re twenty-five and want to spend your whole life with a woman you don’t love in the name… In the name of what exactly?”

“I’m a father, Y/N and I can’t think just about myself right now,” he stated. “It’s not that simple…”

“I know,” you whispered, feeling the tears coming to your eyes and knowing this conversation would not end well. “I just… I just can’t live without knowing what we are or what we want to be. Tell me how you feel. Tell me you just want us to be friends and I’ll respect that, but please, don’t leave me hanging like that.”

“I think… That’s gonna be better for both of us,” John looked at you sadly, “if we won’t complicate it. Whenever we try to be together, something bad happens and…”

“I understand,” you interrupted him. “Actually, I don’t, but I respect that. I just…” You were holding back tears and realised you could not do this any longer. “Doesn’t matter. Forget it,” you blurted and got up, walking away from him. You did not want to react like that, but also you did not expect him to tell you what he did. It hurt more than it should have. It hurt you enough not to care about John calling you by your name and running after you. 

“Leave me alone!” you shouted, hoping he would also respect your wish.

You did not know where to go, but you knew you had to be on your own for a while, far away from the camp. Far away from John. 

You have been walking for a few minutes and then, when there was no one around, you began crying and choking on your tears that were streaming down your cheeks. You brushed them away, forgetting your nose and its surroundings were bruised and cried even harder as the mental pain mixed with the physical one. Thoughts were flowing through your mind, but you could not focus; you were a mess and the only thing you could feel was the pain. 

And then, there was anger, but you were too numb to express it. You leaned against a tree and sat down, burying your face in your hands. You had to get yourself together. No one could see you like that in the camp; not only with a bruised face but also swollen from crying eyes. It was something you would not be able to explain to Arthur. He would not understand and what was worse, he would definitely do something to John. It was not worth it. 

It was your burden, not anyone else’s.

And you had to find a way to live with it.

*

You know what is the worst about the broken heart? No one sees it, but it hurts like hell. 

Maybe it was childish to walk away from John like that a few days ago, but it was the only thing that seemed right to you back then. You did not want his pity as much as you did not want him to comfort you. He told you what he was thinking was the right thing. No matter how hard it hurt, who were you to question that?

It was not like you were not fighting for him, because you were. However, it was pointless fighting for someone who did not want that. 

After a few days, you began questioning whether you could be friends again. Maybe your friendship was ruined the moment you kissed yourself for the first time? Did you simply ruin the best friendship you’ve had in your entire life just for a kiss? 

Apparently, you were not the only one fighting with your thoughts. John seemed to be as frustrated as you were, fighting with Abigail almost nonstop since you two parted. Not that you felt sorry for her as she was one of the biggest reasons why you and John could not be together, apart from your brother, obviously.

“Aren’t you worried about constant fights with John?” Karen asked her as they were sitting together and gossiping while you were passing them by.

“Why would I be worried? Once he realize he’s missing sleeping with me he’s gonna come back,” Abigail stated firmly, “he always does come back.”

You could not believe how conceited she was or how could John ever laid his eyes on her. She was pretty, that was a fact, but apart from it, you did not know what else was special about her. Maybe she was as good in bed as she claimed, but it only meant John was nothing, but shallow man. It could not be the John you knew though. 

“Hey, princess,” Davey jogged to you and joined you for a stroll. 

“Oh, hey,” you replied, sending him a weak smile. “What’s up?”

“Saw you walking around with big, sad face and I decided to ask what is it about? Do I have to kick John’s ass for you?” he chuckled deeply. “One word from you and I’ll do it.”

“There’s no need for you to do that. He and I… We’re just friends,” you explained. 

“Ah, I see. Whose dumb idea was it? Let me guess, John’s,” he said and you laughed at his words quietly. “What did he do?”

“He told me that would be better for us. We won’t complicate many things if we remain, friends,” you sighed, "and I guess he is right.”

“Fuck, you two just love to complicate your lives. Why won’t you just talk to your brother?”

“Oh since you mentioned him, it's a funny thing,” you marked. “I think my brother thinks we, you and me, are a thing, so I don’t know whether telling him about John won’t be too much.”

Davey smirked then asked:

“Are we?”

“You tell me,” you asked back and you both looked at each other simultaneously. 

“I don’t think we are,” he shook his head and frowned. 

“Yeah… I also don’t think we are,” you repeated after him, “but there’s someone else and her name starts with A and ends with L.”

“Come on… You’re way prettier than she is,” Davey told you as you stopped after a moment, “and also, you’re kinder, smarter, funnier…”

“You’re so nice,” you smiled shyly. “I know why my brother likes you. You, unlike John, only make me smile.”

“Oh, Miss Morgan,” Davey laughed, “any man should to nothing except making a girl smile.” He moved in front of you and looked closely at your face. “Also, you look much better without these violet bruises.”

“I like myself more without them too.”

Davey hand moved to your face and brushed away the strand of hair that fell on your eyes while you smiled at him brightly. 

“Why do you have to be this cute?” he asked and for a second you thought he was gonna kiss you, but then a loud grunt interrupted the moment you two were having.

“There you are,” Arthur spoke and approached you from behind, placing his hands on your shoulders, “I’ve been looking everywhere for you. We’ve got work to do.”

“We?” you turned your head back to look at him.

“You, John and I,” he specified and you swallowed loudly.

“John?”

“That’s what I said,” Arthur replied. “You’ve always wanted to help me with bounties, so now you’ve got a perfect opportunity.”

You brushed his hands off your shoulders and moved away, so you look at Davey too. He seemed as surprised as you were with Arthur’s proposition and apparently, he also forgot how to speak.

“You’re not happy?” Arthur asked.

“No, I’m happy, it’s just… Maybe two of us would be better? I mean, why don’t we make siblings trip out of it?”

“I like working with John and if something goes wrong, I know he’s got my back, that’s why,” he explained. “Come on,” he added, “John is already waiting for us with the horses.”

“Have fun, _ Morgans _,” Davey chuckled as Arthur pulled you away with him. 

You managed to turn away and glare at him while he kept laughing at the irony of this situation.

That trip was definitely gonna be something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to thank you for reading. :) <3


	7. I Knew That

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, guys. It took me some time, but it's here (eventually!). Hope you enjoy!

The three of you were riding in complete silence. Your eyes were focused on the road and the time seemed to slow down, making the whole situation even more uncomfortable. However, you had to admit John was good at acting or maybe it would be better to say he was good at avoiding your sight at all cost and pretending nothing had happened. 

It did not feel right. Neither for you or your brother, who quickly realised something was wrong. 

“What happened to you two? Usually, you can’t keep your mouths shut and now you haven’t spoken a single word since we left the camp,” he marked and gave you both a significant look. 

You turned your head toward John and saw him shrug in response. You did the same; if he did not want to talk, you were ready to get through the silent treatment. Maybe it was even better because you were not sure if you would be able not to make a scene in front of Arthur, so as long as you two were silent, there was nothing to worry about. 

You just had to come up with a decent excuse so Arthur would stop digging and searching for an explanation for your odd behavior.

“Alright, you don’t want to tell me then don’t,” Arthur added when you two did say nothing in return. “You two are just acting weird, so whatever is bothering you, solve it.”

“We’re fine, Arthur,” John spoke eventually, “just not in the mood to chat.”

“Has something happened between you and Abigail?” Arthur asked and when he said her name, you felt your heart sting a little. “You seem to be arguing a lot lately.”

“The usual stuff,” John replied. “She can be mad at me if I breathe too loud,” he chuckled and Arthur rolled up his eyes, “what?”

“Women,” he replied shortly, “I’ll never understand them.”

“Um, I’m still here with you,” you marked and looked at them both. 

“Oh, so you can speak,” Arthur teased and slowed his horse to a trot so he was riding next to you. 

“You’re such a jerk sometimes,” you said then kicked his left calf with your right foot.

“I just want to have a friendly conversation with my sister,” he laughed and received a glare in response. “Come on, what’s bothering you? Did you also have a fight with Davey?”

“Wait—what? Why would I have a fight with him?”

“I dunno,” Arthur shrugged, “you two were spending much time together lately and I thought—”

“We’re getting along,” you cut your brother off, “that’s it.”

“Oh, okay. I thought you  _ like  _ each other.”

“We do,” you admitted, “but not the way you think.”

“Is that so?” John asked, rising behind you and Arthur. 

“I like him as a friend if you two need to know.”

“I don’t think Davey shares your opinion,” John blurted. “I mean, he rarely lets you be alone these days, doesn’t he?”

“It’s not my problem what you think, John,” you replied angrily and at the same time, Arthur slowed his horse and stopped a few minutes from the main road. “What are you doing, Arthur?”

“We’ve been riding for hours,” he said, “and it’s gonna get dark soon, so I thought we could make a small camp here and rest. Don’t you think it’s a reasonable idea?” 

“Just admit there’s not bounty and you wanted to spend some time outside the camp,” John told him and dismounted his horse. 

“There’s a bounty,” Arthur responded, “but you’re right. Spending time outside of camp was also the reason why I wanted to ride with you.”

While John and Arthur were setting up your tents, you took care of the horses, hitching them to the nearest tree and taking off their saddles. You heard them talking from afar; it was about typical men stuff, so you did not pay attention to what they were saying. You were wondering whether any of them would mention you in their conversation, but none of them did. 

This whole trip organised by Arthur was uncomfortable at you. The fact you and John were not on the best terms did not change the fact you still  _ liked  _ him, even though you knew well it was pointless. He made himself clear the last time you were arguing, but the small part of you could not let go. You did not want to let go, feeding yourself with the hope that one day, he would change his mind; that he would understand he crossed something you two could have before even giving it a try. 

“What’s going on between Y/N and you?” Arthur asked out of sudden, probably thinking you could not hear them. “You’re best friends, but I noticed you could barely look at each other lately.”

“We’re fine,” John cut him off, “just like she said.”

“I’ll pretend I believe you,” your brother chuckled. “Hey, princess, will you help us here?”

“You two need a hand? I can’t believe it,” you shouted back. 

“Well, you could at least spend some time with us,” Arthur marked, “instead of isolating yourself with the horses.”

“So that’s it from peace and quiet?” you asked as you were walking towards them slowly. 

“Not with us,” Arthur laughed and backed off from his tent. “Done,” he stated and waited a moment for John to finish setting up his tent. “Come on, John, the whiskey is getting warmer with every second.”

“I’m out,” you raised your hands in surrender. “I’m too tired for that, Arthur,” you said, “but you two have fun.”

“It’s really not your day…”

“I’ve been trying to tell you that since we left, brother,” you winked at him and patted his arm. “We’re in the middle of nowhere, but I can take the first watch too.”

“You don’t have to…”

“Better be saf e than sorry,” you interrupted him and took one of his revolvers. “Hope you don’t mind,” you added and waved him goodbye, walking away from them both. 

*

The hours were passing slowly as you were sitting with your back leaned against the tree and the eyes pointed ahead. The laughter of John and Arthur were coming from behind till at one point they quietened. You turned your head and saw Arthur heading to his tent, pretty wasted from what you noticed. 

But John was not. Not as much as Arthur, anyway. He kept sitting down next to the campfire and stared ahead blankly, shaking what was left of his drink slowly. 

It was typical of Arthur; whenever he had a problem he drank it all away, hoping no one would notice, but you were his sister and you did. You felt bad for him because you knew how much Mary meant to him. You could imagine what he felt; and if it was similar to what you were feeling, you both were screwed.

“I’ve always wondered how’s that possible you can out-drink my brother,” you asked quietly as you approached the fireplace, “you’re half of his size.”

“I was cheating,” John replied and showed you his bottle only half empty, “but Arthur did not really care about it. He just needed a companion to drown his sorrows, not to go down with him.”

“What happened this time?”

“I think he lost his hope that the story with Mary will have a happy ending,” he explained, “he kept sending her letters, she rarely replied and when she did, there was nothing much in them. She doesn’t love him, Y/N, but your brother still thinks there’s a chance for them, even if he claims differently.”

“Oh, Arthur,” you sighed and propped yourself against your elbows, “you’re such a fool…”

“It’s funny, isn’t it? We can see that what Arthur does is irrational, but we can’t use our advice ourselves…”

“What do you mean?”

“You still talking to me, right?” John laughed humorlessly. “You shouldn’t be after I told you off, but still, you can’t do that.”

“Come on, we’re friends…”

“Damn, how can you still believe that?”

“Don’t you believe that too? We’ve been friends for many years, John. I don’t want our friendship to be ruined,” you told him and sat up. “Some things shouldn’t have happened, but we’re just people.”

“You think we can be friends after that?”

“I think I’m willing to try…”

“I can’t,” John interrupted you. “I can’t call you a friend while the only person I’ve been thinking about for the past few days was you. I want to punch Davey whenever I see you with him and I wish I could be where he is.”

“And where exactly is he?”

“Don’t tell me you don’t feel a single thing for him,” he shook his head slowly. “I’m sure he does. I’m sure because I think I look at you exactly the same way he does.”

“I don’t think so,” you looked at John. “I mean, I don’t feel anything for him. Nothing romantic, at least.”

“Really?”

“Really,” you replied in a serious tone. “Why? Were you jealous?” you asked after a while.

“A little,” John stated and looked down, “because I thought you two have feelings for each other and I… It doesn’t matter anymore, right? We’re friends. The truth is I don’t want to ruin that too and I got carried away the last time we spoke.” His sight wandered back to you. “I’m really glad we’re still talking,” he added. “How was your watch?”

“Boring,” you responded shortly. “Arthur was right. Except us, there’s no other soul her,” you were speaking as you laid down and John joined you a moment later. “So we’re good?” you asked when he looked at you. 

There had been a long moment of silence before John decided to spoke. 

“How do you do that?”

“Do what?” 

“Ignore your feelings or whatever you do to make you think we can be just friends,” he explained.

“I don’t know,” you replied, “I think that sometimes listening to one’s heart is not good. Especially when there are more important things to care for. You’ve got a son. You’re with Abigail. Maybe that’s exactly how things should stay,” you paused. “Look at Arthur. Look how blindly he follows Mary and where it gets him.”

“I don't like that rational side of you,” John marked and you felt his hand squeezing yours. “I was thinking about what you had said to be the last time we argued… About the fact that I’m a father. I know I should be thinking about Jack and I do, but at the same time I don’t want to be with a woman I don’t have feelings for.”

“You don’t? Funny. Abigail claimed you will literally run back to her when you realise what you’re missing…”

"Did she really say that?”

“Yup,” you nodded.

“She ain’t that good,” John marked and you chuckled.

“I had no idea you were this experienced,” you pointed, “and watch out, you’re talking about your girlfriend. How are… How are things going between you? I’ve heard you were arguing a lot.”

“Told you, someone else has been on my mind lately and apparently, she didn’t like that.”

“Oh, right,” you said, “it must've slipped out of my mind.” 

You had been lying next to each other for a minute or two. The silence was only disturbed by cracks of firing wood and the sound of your breaths. John’s left hand brushed the inner side of your right and you felt the spark coming through your body right after that. 

_Who you were fooling?_

_John, Arthur, Davey or yourself?_

You could name a dozen reasons why it would not work. You knew why you two could not be together and why it would be wiser if you stayed where you were. You tried explaining that to yourself multiple times, but you failed. 

And it was another one of your failures when you felt John’s lips on your and you did not stop him. 

Instead, you turned to him and grabbed the collar of his black shirt and pulled him even closer to you. Then, your hands moved onto the back of his neck and head; your fingers we’re moving through his hair while you climbed onto him, trying not to look clumsy, but it did not work out too. 

But John did not mind your clumsiness, focused on your lips as much as you were on his. 

That was it from remaining  _ just friends _ .

“W—wait,” you breathed out after you’d broken the kiss, “my brother… Arthur is sleeping a few meters away. We can’t…”

“Yeah, the view of you straddling and kissing me could be a little bit overwhelming for him,” John agreed and a smirk appeared on his face. “So, be quiet,” he added and kissed you once more. 

You knew it was wrong, but at the same time, you did not want to stop it. It felt like you two were meant for each other as no matter how hard you both tried to hide it, you two always failed. 

It was reckless of you, but you really wanted to believe it meant something. You wanted to believe it was not another mistake and you two would eventually accept it. You wanted that and you accepted everything you felt for John the moment his hand wandered under your yellow shirt and stopped before it reached the belt of your trousers. You wanted that, too, but it was not the right place or time.

“Hey, hey,” you stopped him and leaned your forehead against his, “don’t… I… It’s not a good moment for that.”

“I know. I’m sorry,” he said then sat up with you on his lap, “you’re just so beautiful, I… It’s hard to hold back for me, especially because I’m in love with you, Y/N. It took me some time to realise I can’t be just your friend. I want to be more than that.”

“I… John…” you stuttered and bit your bottom lip, completely confused and caught off guard with his confession. No matter how wonderful and meaningful his words were to you, they brought your back from cloud nine. You did not want to share your brother's faith. You did not want to make the same mistakes as he kept doing. “I love you. I’ve loved you for years, but… But we can’t be together… Not unless…” You swallowed loudly, realising what you were gonna say in a moment could ruin the perfect moment you had. However, the moment he said he loved you, the rational part of you activated and this part, on the contrary to any other, needed a proof.

“Not unless what?”

“Not unless you’re with her,” you blurted. “I mean… I don’t want  _ us _ to be our little secret. You love me? Prove it and tell her about us.”

“You’re already making demands, huh? Arthur would’ve been proud.”

“Proud of what?” You heard your brother’s voice coming from behind. You turned your head to see him, freezing the moment he saw you on John’s lap. He took a closer look at you and you were almost sure he would start a war in a second, but instead, he just said:

“I knew it.”


	8. Arthur's Little Secret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, guys. I'm back with another chapter and it's mostly centered on Arthur and Y/N, but trust me, there will be more John in the future parts. Hope you enjoy and as always, let me know what you think!

“How long have you been standing over there?” you asked, feeling your throat run dry.

“Longer than you’d like,” Arthur replied after a moment then let out a small chuckle. “Damn, I knew something was wrong with you two and now… Well, I should’ve figured it out sooner, I guess.”

“I… I can explain,” you started.

“What do you want to explain, Y/N?” Arthur’s face turned deadly serious. “Get off his lap, please. I don’t feel comfortable seeing you two like this.”

“Arthur, I…,” you said and did what he asked for. You wanted to continue explaining yourself, but he did not want to listen. 

“Damn it, Y/N, don’t tell me it’s not what it looks like because I swear I won’t remain calm,” he interrupted you. “It’s exactly what it looks like,” he paused. “I asked you for one thing. Not anyone from the gang!” he snapped, “and you not only couldn’t keep that promise but also chose a guy who has a girlfriend and a son waiting for him in the camp!”

“Arthur it’s not her fault,” John spoke out of sudden and got up from the ground. “You know what my situation with Abigail is. We were trying to get along for Jack, but nothing more.”

“Oh shut up,” Arthur cut him off. “Maybe Y/N believes in that poor excuse of yours, but I don’t.  _ We were trying to get along for Jack, _ ” he mimicked John’s voice. “Yeah, you were trying at many nights in your tent, we all heard it. Abigail ain’t quiet, John.”

“Arthur, come on, don’t be act like that,” John tried to calm him down, but Arthur was far from listening to him. 

The fact John did not deny the fact he used to sleep with Abigail somehow made him even angrier. He clenched his right fist when John approached him; John hoped he would let him continue talking, but instead, he punched him in the face, making him collapse on the ground. 

“That’s for being a dick,” Arthur stated when he noticed John’s nose began bleeding. “Grow up and take care of your business instead of running after my sister. Stay away from her and don’t you even dare to think of touching her ever again!”

“Enough!” you fumed at Arthur out of sudden. “How many times do I have to tell you that I’m not your little sister anymore? I’m an adult and I can make my own choices, for god’s sake!”

“So this is your choice? A man with a kid and another woman? Are you insane?” Arthur fired back, completely ignoring John’s presence and the fact he was offending him. “You’re friends, I get it, so make it stay that way!”

“You think we didn’t try that?” John asked bitterly from the ground. “We did, but it doesn’t work like this, Arthur. I’ve been loving her for years. In fact, I even slept with Abigail to forget about her, but it didn’t work as I planned.”

“What do you even know about love, John?” Arthur questioned, folding his arms. “You should forget about a goddamn love and take responsibility for your actions…”

“Like you took responsibility for yours?” John asked him back and he did not expect it.

“Careful, John…” he threatened, pointing his finger at him.

“Why?” John teased, “Y/N doesn’t know, right?” 

“John, I swear…”

“I don’t know about what?” you asked out of sudden and looked at them both. 

“About Eliza,” John replied calmly, ignoring Arthur’s threat. “Once upon a time, your brother met a girl. Back then he was in love with Mary, but she was about to marry another man. It was night one stand with this young, pretty girl, but, to your brother surprise, it resulted in the birth of Isaac. Am I telling it right, Arthur?” Your brother glared at him, so he did not have to confirm that verbally. “You’re trying to protect your sister, I know, but I’m not you and she’s not Eliza.”

“You’ve never told me about her,” you said, realising Arthur was keeping his secrets away from you too. “I thought we shared our secrets.”

“Looks like we didn’t,” Arthur responded, looking at you with disappointment. “You didn’t tell me about your feelings to your best friend.”

“And you didn’t tell me I’m an aunt,” you fired back. 

“I… It was years ago,” he tried to defend himself.

“You could’ve told me,” you told him. “My brother is a father but he didn’t say a word about it.”

“Was,” Arthur corrected. “I was a father because they both are dead.” 

“What…”

“I’m not in the mood for this conversation,” he stated and turned to John. “Satisfied?” he puffed then walked away, so you and John were left in two. 

“Arthur!” you shouted after him, but he did not look back. “How long have you known about it?” you snapped at John, “and why didn’t you tell me?”

“He asked me not to,” John replied shortly, getting up from the ground. “Fuck,” he hissed, touching the bleeding nose. “Arthur, wait up!” He wanted to follow him, but you knew better than to let him.

“Don’t,” you said, grabbing him by arm. “You’re gonna make things worse. Just… Let him go.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N,” he sighed when his eyes met yours. “He just…”

“I know,” you interrupted him, knowing exactly what he was trying to say. “I know.”

*

That evening was supposed to end differently.

Arthur was not supposed to found out about you and John while his secrets were supposed to remain hidden.

However, to your misfortune, everything that could go wrong went wrong.

Arthur did not come back for the night, keeping both John and you awake till the early morning when you passed out, nestled up against him. You were mad at John, but it did not change the fact you were still madly in love with him, so it was easier to forgive him the mistake he made by not telling you about your brother. On the other hand, you knew he had promised he would not tell anyone, but still, it hurt you. After all, you were Arthur’s sister and he should not have hidden such thing from you.

But you were hiding your true feelings towards John from him. 

Did it mean you and Arthur were even in a way?

“Arthur’s gonna be fine, beautiful,” John said out of sudden when you two were having your morning coffee by the fire. “Don’t beat yourself up."

“I just… I don’t know, John. I feel guilty for what had happened yesterday,” you replied, putting away the cup. “If I didn’t--”

“Hey, you didn’t do anything,” he interrupted you. “We didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Didn’t we?” you cocked your brow. “I think Arthur doesn’t see it that way. I’d promised him I would never fell in love with anyone in the gang and look at me now.”

“How old were you back then?” he chuckled.

“I don’t know… Fourteen? I can’t remember,” you pondered.

“You were a kid,” he stated, “You’re an adult now.”

“And what does it change? A promise is a promise,” you replied and John shrugged.

“I like to think we’re not responsible for our feelings and at some point, we can’t control them any longer,” John explained and you felt his arm wrapping around you. “Cheer up,” he added, “if anyone fucked up, it’s me, not you. I shouldn’t have brought up Eliza and Isaac. It was Arthur’s choice to tell you or not.”

“And still, he decided to keep it as a secret,” you sighed then leaned your head on John’s shoulder. “What happened to them?” you asked. 

“I’ve already told you too much,” he responded. “It’s a question to Arthur, not me. The least I can do right now is to keep my mouth shut.”

“Yeah, that’s the least you can do,” Arthur repeated his words from behind your back. You did not notice him coming back as he barely made any sound. 

“Can you stop sneaking upon us?” You moved away from John then got up, facing your brother. “Where have you been the whole night?” you asked in accusing tone.

“On a bounty,” he replied calmly. “I wouldn’t be able to sleep anyway.”

“Weren’t we supposed to do this together?"

“We were, but as you can see I did it on my own.”

“You always do things on your own, don’t you?” you accused him, realising you were not able to hold yourself back any longer. “We need to talk, Arthur. You can’t keep walking away from me whenever you’re not in the mood to face problems!”

“I’ll leave you two alone,” John said and carefully backed off, but neither you nor Arthur did not pay much attention to him at that moment.

Out of sudden, you were angry. You had been worrying about your brother for the whole night, but when you saw him coming back as if nothing had happened, you lost it. 

“Why didn’t you tell me about your secret?”

“I could ask you exactly the same question,” Arthur snapped.

“I was first,” you fired back.

“You were a kid when that happened. What was I supposed to tell you? You wouldn’t understand that and it wasn’t your burden to carry,” he said, “and when you grew up, what was the point? They’re gone, Y/N! They’re nothing but history and..."

“What happened to them?” you asked quietly. 

“They were robbed then murdered for merely ten dollars,” Arthur replied in a stone-cold tone, but at the same time, the single tear fell onto his cheek. “I didn’t do anything to prevent it,” he blinked and shook his head. “That’s what our lives as outlaws bring, nothing but pain and death,” he continued. “I don’t want you to… I want you to have a better life, you know? The one where you won’t be afraid of living.”

“I’m not afraid of living, Arthur,” you told him. “I’m so sorry it happened to you. I’m sure that if you knew…”

“But I didn’t,” he cut you off, “and there’s nothing I could do about it now.”

You sighed, holding back the tears that came to your eyes too. There was nothing wise you could say, so you just hugged your brother, wrapping your arms around him tightly and burying your face in his chest. That was when you could no longer hold back tears; you realised how hurt Arthur was and you shared this pain with him, trying to understand his motives along the way.

“I’m so sorry,” you mumbled into his chest. The blue material of his shirt was wet from your tears when you pulled away, but neither of you seemed to care about it. 

“It’s fine,” he replied and brushed away the tears from your cheeks. “I overreacted yesterday, I know,” he started after a short pause. “It’s just… I don’t want you to get hurt and what you’re getting yourself into… Into something that won’t work out, Y/N.”

“How can you know that?” 

“I’ve been living in this world longer than you do. I’ve seen many things, met many people… I just know,” he tried to explain. 

“I’m not Eliza, Arthur.”

“I know. You’re much more to me,” he responded. “That’s why I’m so protective. You’re my everything, Y/N and I want what’s best for you.”

“Then let me be happy with who I want to be with,” you said. “Is that too much to ask?”

Arthur looked down and swallowed loudly. He was wrestling with his thoughts and it was obvious, it was not easy for him. 

“When I was gone I was thinking about it,” he started, looking back at you, “I was thinking about what I’d seen and I know I can’t make you do anything, but… The thing is… Do what you want, Y/N, but please, don’t expect me to support you when I think something is a terrible idea.”

“I won’t know if I won’t try,” you whispered.

Arthur sighed; it was definitely not easy for him. Watching you grow up and slowly becoming an independent woman was something he was not prepared for, but he knew he had to accept it if he did not want to lose you forever. 

“I had a feeling it would be John,” he said out of sudden. “He could never stay away from you.”

“To be honest, I could never stay away from him too,” you admitted. “I’ll be careful, Arthur,” you added. “I promise. I know my previous promise didn’t end up well, but this time it’ll be different.”

“It’s okay. We both didn’t keep our promises, but I won’t be hiding anything from now, too,” he responded. “I’m your brother. I want to be your friend, not enemy and definitely not someone who you’re afraid to talk about your feelings.” 

“Does it mean…”

“I’m sorry, Y/N,” he clarified.

“So,” you smiled at him lightly. “No more secrets?”

“No more.”


	9. When She Finds Out

John made a choice. 

He did not want to hide his feelings for you anymore, so he had to face Abigail. It did not matter whether he was ready to do it or not. If he wanted to be more than a friend to you, he had to tell her the truth.

So, he did.

He did and she did not take it well. She was not even close to taking it well. In a blink of an eye, she was furious and did not care about the presence of other gang members around her and John.

“Have I always meant nothing to you?!” Abigail’s voice was spreading through the camp. 

“I didn’t say anything like that! Could you at least let me finish what I have to say?”

“Oh, you’ve got the nerve, John Marston!” she snapped at him. “You came to me and told me there’s someone else and still you think you have the right to make demands? Oh, hell no! Who is she? Who is she, John?” Abigail kept asking while John did not say a word, making her frustrated with the silence much more with any answer he could probably come up with. “Answer the goddamn question!”

“What would it change if I told you?” 

“At least, I would know who this bitch is!” 

“No,” he replied firmly and left their tent. She followed him, trying to get his attention by cursing his name. “Calm down first,” he told her. “We’re not gonna have this conversation right now. I just wanted to be honest with you! I’ve never loved you and I think you knew that all this time. It was fun for some time, but it wasn’t it, huh?”

“Do I need to remind you about J-Jack?” she asked and her voice cracked. 

“Oh, Abi, it has nothing to do with Jack. Stop using this kid as an excuse or a reason why I should be with you when there’s nothing between us except for him!”

You kept watching the whole situation from afar and when Abigail caught you staring, you immediately looked away. No one knew what was going on between them and you did not want to bring unnecessary attention to you, so it would not be obvious it was about you. However, some people knew well what it was about. Micah laughed under his breath, seeing them both fighting and Arthur rolled up his eyes when they passed him by. 

“John’s got balls, I’ll give him that.” Davey placed his hands on both of your shoulders. “Though, he was a little too harsh on her if you ask me.”

“Jesus, Davey!” you shuddered. “You want to give me a heart attack?”

“No, not at all,” he replied and you looked up at him. “I just thought I would let you know to stop drooling over John. You make it look obvious,” he joked, but you did not laugh. Instead, you rolled up your eyes and shook your head slowly, expressing your disappointment.

“Oh, don’t be like that.” Davey grabbed a spare chair and drew it closer, so he could see beside you. “How was your trip?”

“Um, pretty good,” you replied. “Except the fact I made John tell Abigail about us and then Arthur caught us when… You know.”

“Ouch,” he chuckled. “That must’ve been a shock for him.”

“Yeah, he was pissed. I guess you were right when you told me I should talk to him myself,” you said. “Arthur doesn’t think it's a good idea. He claims it’s stupid and it’s gonna end tragically, but…” You licked your bottom lip. “I want to try. I don’t want to be John's secret, so that was my only condition. I don’t need Arthur’s blessing to be with John. He surely didn’t need mine when it came to his choices.” 

“I get that. Well, at least he knows what his sister’s doing when he’s not watching. To be honest, I think he’s known it for a while, he ain’t blind,” he nudged you. “Cheer up, pretty. Apparently, John cares about you as much as you care about him. He told her about it, right?”

“We all heard that,” you noted then chuckled. “God, it’s insane… I feel so anxious about this whole thing, but at the same time, it’s exciting… Why am I even telling you that? It’s not like you want to listen about some other guy…”

“I like to hear you talking with such enthusiasm,” Davey marked. “So, you and John are officially together?”

“Davey,” you hissed, “I ain’t gonna talk about it with you.” You laughed then looked down, feeling your cheeks reddening. “We’re not officially together. Not yet, at least. I’m not getting myself into this unfinished business of his, no matter how I feel about him.”

“Clever girl,” Davey stated. 

“I ain’t that clever,” you denied. “Sometimes I think I’m as foolish as my brother, doing all those things for someone,” you sighed. “Anyway... Have you ever been in love?”

“Me?” he asked surprised and you nodded in response. “Once or twice,” he replied after a moment of thinking, "but now I think I’m too old for that.”

“No one is too old for love,” you told him and he smiled gently. 

“You’re so young and innocent, it’s adorable,” he said and his hand rested on your knee, “but you’ll learn. I hate to say that, but once you get older, you will understand what I’m saying.”

“Maybe,” you winked at him then brushed his hand off your knee as you got up, “or not. Who knows? Maybe, after all, I’m gonna have my happy ending?”

“Maybe,” Davey repeated. “I hope you will.”

*

The evening came and you did not even notice how fast time flew that day. Occupied by various chores from Mrs Grimshaw you did not have much time to think about John. He had been dealing with Abigail for the whole day, anyway. There was no need for you to think about it too much. He had it under control or at least you wanted to think he had. 

Just when the silence filled up the camp and you could hear only distant chats of Uncle and drunk Swanson, you changed your clothes to more comfortable ones and got yourself ready for sleep. 

You were about to lay down when John went inside and embraced you from behind, nipping on your bare neck and left shoulder. 

“Hey, hey, what are you doing?” you asked when you realised what was going on. “You shouldn’t have come here, John—”

“Why?” he pondered. “Arthur has a watch tonight and I had an awful day. I want to spend some time with my girl,” he said and when you turned your face towards him, he stole a kiss from your lips. 

“Why? Abigail can walk in here any moment and so can Arthur. That's why,” you told him and he shrugged in response. 

“Arthur won’t kill me and Abigail… I’ve spent enough time with her today. Besides, how many times did she walk inside your tent?”

“Zero.”

“Exactly. Why would this time be different?” John smiled when you stood up and walked with him to your bed then sat at the edge of it. 

“Okay,” you said when you laid down, leaving some space for John, “but promise you’ll behave.”

“I promise,” he stated then joined you. “I’ll sneak out in the morning, no one’s gonna know.”

“I wouldn’t be this sure, but since you’re already here I’m gonna take that risk.” He wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you close to him. “How was it with Abigail?” you asked after a moment, feeling John made himself comfortable with you in his arms.

“Bad,” he replied straight forward, “but I expected that. I guess she’ll need some time to come around… It’s gonna be better that way. She’ll be happier and I’ll be happier, too.”

“How can you be so sure of that? What if…”

“I don’t have any doubts, Y/N. It’s always been you for me, Y/N, but I was scared of ruining our friendship because of my feelings for you. It changed the day I realised you were feeling the same way about me… I love you. I’ve loved you since we were kids,” he confessed, “but there was Arthur who would never let me get close… I’m a bad man, Y/N. You deserve so much better and Arthur’s right about that, but still, I can’t help myself…”

“Stop talking,” you stated and hushed him with a kiss. Before you realised the kiss had become passionate as it was hard to hold back for both of you, even though you were trying to hide this urge to be close with him. You wanted that, you wanted to be his and only his, to spend every night and morning by his side because you loved him. 

You loved him with all your heart. 

He left you breathless when he pulled away, brushing the hair strands from your face then cupped your cheek with his hand. “You make it hard for me to behave,” he whispered. “I want to do many naughty things to you…”

“John,” you scolded him, feeling your cheeks getting warm. “It’s not the best time…”

“I know, I know. By the way, it’s extremely sweet you’re blushing every time I talk about it,” he chuckled quietly. 

“It’s almost dark here. You can’t see if I'm blushing.”

“You do this funny thing with your nose when you’re blushing. I had a lot of time to pay attention to details like this one,” he said then kissed the tip of your nose. 

“Can you blame me? I’ve never done that,” you fired back. “I mean… Ugh, you know what I mean.”

“I know,” he agreed, “and I don’t mind it at all. In fact, I really like the idea that any other man has touched never you before.”

“So you think you’re gonna be my first?”

“Do you have any other candidates?”

“I asked you first.”

“I hope I’ll be,” he replied. “I’d love to be your first and last.”

“I don’t have any other candidates and I like the idea of doing it with you for the first time,” you answered his question, “but at the same time… I don’t want to rush.”

“Sure. No rush, princess,” John said softly. “So, are you alright with cuddles?”

“Yeah,” you replied and turned around, letting him pull you close to him and rest his chin on the top of your head. “I’ve always liked cuddling with you. Remember when a few years ago when you spent a whole night with me because Arthur was away and I had a fever?”

“You know Arthur scolded me the morning after that night?” John laughed. “I think he began being suspicious after that, even though nothing happened. You were, I don’t know, fourteen? I would never touch you without your permission, anyway.”

“I had no idea,” you admitted, “but if that's comforting, I’m glad you were with me that night. I literally thought I was gonna die.” 

“I thought you were gonna die after your 18th birthday…”

“Don’t remind me of that. I can’t look at tequila since that day.”

“Alright, I’m gonna keep my mouth shut—”

“Hey, Y/N, have you seen my notebook?” Out of sudden, Arthur rushed into your tent, scaring the hell out of you. You moved rapidly as if you were burned and fell down the camp bed. “Hey, relax—oh god, are you both serious now?” Arthur asked, realising you were not alone. “Abigail wants to rip your head off and you go and sleep with my sister as if nothing happened? You couldn’t make it look more obvious…”

“Arthur, listen, I—” You wanted to intervene, but they kept talking, so you quietly returned on the bed.

“Jesus, Arthur we’re not doing a single thing,” John said calmly. “I don’t care about Abigail, I just want to spend some time with Y/N.” 

“Out of her bed. Now,” Arthur hissed, “or I’ll pull you out myself.”

“She’s an adult—”

“Out, I said!” Arthur’s voice got angrier, but still, he kept it low. 

John let out a small chuckle then he got up just to sit down on the ground, leaning his back against the bed frame. “Satisfied?” he asked Arthur, sending him a cheeky grin. “I won’t leave. I’m gonna stay with her whether you like it or not.”

Arthur huffed then shook his head in disbelief. “If I see you in bed with her, I’ll punch you. Again.”

“Fair enough,” John shrugged. “Don’t you have a watch to be on? Don’t worry, I’ll take care of her. I won’t let a single hair fall off her head.”

“You’d better,” your brother said. “Unbelievable,” he murmured as he left the tent, closing the tent flap behind him. 

“Are you really gonna spend the night on the ground?” you pondered after a while. “Don’t be silly, get on the bed…”

“You know he’ll come and check on you, right? I don’t want to fight with him in the middle of the night. I made peace with the thought that your brother loves you more than anything in this world and I won't compete with him,” John replied. “Besides, it’s Arthur. It’s better to have a friend than a foe in him and he doesn’t like me this much no more.” He reached out for your hand then brought it to his lips. “It’s okay, though. As long as you like me I can live with Arthur liking me less,” he said and kissed the outer side of your hand. “Sleep well, baby.” 

“Did you just call me  _ baby _ ?” you rose a brow and leaned over his face as he looked up at you. 

“Isn’t that what  _ boyfriends  _ do?” 

You puffed. “In that case, what do  _ girlfriends _ do?”

“Kiss their boys good night,” he replied and did not have to wait long for your lips to meet in a tender kiss. 

“Goodnight, John,” you whispered when you pulled away then laid on your back, so he could still hold your hand in his.

“Goodnight."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! I'm so sorry for such delay in updating, I was struggling with one nasty writer's block, but hopefully, it's gone! Anyway, I hope you'll like this one and as always let me know what you think! 😉💛


	10. The Point Of No Return

When you woke up the next day, John was already long gone. You remembered him kissing you tenderly on the forehead before he had left, but you were still napping, so it all seemed blurred and a little bit unreal. 

However, it was all real. 

All you had ever dreamed of was real. 

Once you got out of your bed, you realised Arthur was long gone, too - his bed was empty as he had probably left in the early morning for a bounty or hunting. Not that you cared much what he was doing, anyway. He was an adult and could handle whatever he was doing on his own. 

When you got dressed in your favourite brown trousers, boots and a perfect white shirt, you left the tent and felt the cold morning air stroking your skin. You looked around and noticed most of the gang members were already awake, wandering around the camp sleepily or enjoying their morning. coffee by the fire. 

“Good morning,” you said as you joined the group by the fire. You grabbed a spare cup and poured yourself some coffee then joined Davey by the table nearby. “Hey you,” you greeted him as you sat down beside him.

“Good morning,  _ princess _ ,” he replied, examining you from the bottom to the top. “Where does that happy attitude come from on that early morning?”

“Let’s say, I had a good night,” you winked at him and he chuckled in response. “What?”

“Nothing,” he returned. “You look pretty when you’re this happy, that’s it.” 

“Thank you,” you replied, placing the cup on the table. “Is there a chance you've seen my brother this morning?”

“Yeah, he left for a hunt with Hosea an hour ago. Why are you asking?” 

“I was just curious. See, we've not been on the best terms since this whole thing with John came out,” you explained. 

“He’ll come around,” Davey said. "He always does."

“I guess you’re right,” you agreed. “It just feels weird, you know? We’ve always been so close and… I feel like the fact he’s not the only man who matters in my life hurt him in some way.” 

“I’m pretty sure it did,” he replied, "but not because it's bad, but because he’s way older than you are and sees some things differently. For a long time, it’s been just you and him and you were his responsibility. He wants the best for you because he loves you and I think it’s pretty natural he needs some time to get used to the thought that he's not your hero anymore.”

“He’ll always be my hero, Davey,” you countered, “but he’s also my brother. I mean… I’m sure he knew that one day there would be another guy…”

“Yeah, it probably crossed his mind once or twice, but he was not prepared for that,” Davey laughed. “You’re so pretty you could have any guy,” he added. “I don’t know that, but I think Arthur wanted you to have a good life. I mean a life where you wouldn’t have to worry about a single thing.”

“Good thing is I’ve never had one, so I have no idea what I’m missing,” you said. “I get all the reasons why Arthur thinks it’s not a good idea and maybe I’m stupid but… I like the life we all have. It feels like home and I wouldn’t change it for anything else.”

Davey sighed deeply and a moment later, he got up from the chair. He approached you and tipped your chin up, making you look at him. “I must watch out for John now,” he stated. “I don’t want to piss him off by being around you for too long.”

“Don’t be silly,” you told him once he let go of your chin, “there are no time limits for you.”

“Are you sure?” he tilted his head to the side, in the direction where John was. You turned your head and realised John was, indeed, staring at you and he did not seem pleased how comfortable you felt around Davey. “He looks as if he was about to rip my head off for talking to you.”

“Hmm,” you hummed. “I’ve watched him with Abigail countless times and I survived, so he’s going to be fine. A little bit of jealousy never killed anybody, right?”

“I like that attitude,” Davey chuckled. “I’m gonna get another coffee. Want one too?” He pointed at the empty cup in front of you. 

“Why not,” you shrugged and grabbed the cup. “I'll go with you.”

“Sure,” he shrugged and you joined him enthusiastically. You were chit chatting once you reached the fire, ignoring the presence of others around you and everything was just fine till out of sudden, Abigail approached you, stopping right in front of your face. 

“You _**sneaky little bitch**_!” she snapped at you and then, without any warning, she poured her coffee on you, on your legs specifically and it would not be that bad if the coffee was not scalding hot. You instinctively moved back, but it was too late to do anything. In a blink of an eye, you felt a burning pain in your thighs, followed by a scream that brought everyone’s attention to you. “Who do you think you are, huh? You think you’re Arthur’s sister and can do whatever you want?!” she continued, not caring about the others listening. 

“Have you gone mad, Abigail?!” John barked the second he appeared by your side, looking at what she had done to you. 

“I saw you with her!” she shouted and the tears came to her eyes, “I saw you coming out of her tent this morning, John! How could you do that to me?!”

“How could I do what precisely?” he fired back at her and then, he turned to you. “Y/N, I’m so sorry, I—” 

“Ughh,” you groaned painfully and that was when Davey lifted you, so you instinctively wrapped your arms around his neck. 

“What are you all looking at?” Davey growled. “Help her and get some cold water, now!” He looked at Mrs Grimshaw who immediately hurried towards the wagon with water. “It’s okay, Y/N, it’s okay,” he whispered to your ear once he carried you to your tent then laid down on the bed. 

That was when you lost it. The stingy pain suddenly turned into burning one and your legs felt as if they were on fire. “It hurts,” you had managed to say before the tears streamed down your face, “it hurts so bad…” 

“I know,” he said and once you unbuttoned your trousers and yanked them down to your calves. “Ouch,” he marked, seeing the red burns on your thighs. “I know it’s inconvenient—”

“It’s fine,” you hissed through clenched teeth and at the same moment, Mrs Grimshaw came inside, holding a bucket with some cold water and some rags in her hands. 

“Mr Callander, I can help—”

“I got this, Mrs Grimshaw,” he replied shortly and when she placed down the bucket, he wet the rag and put it to your thigh. The cold water soothed the pain a little bit, so you were able to think about something else than it. “Do we also have any spare bandages left? And any ointment for this?” He moved to the side, letting the older woman have a look at your burns. 

“I… I’m gonna check, but I’m not sure… I’m just gonna go and check,” she said and a moment later, she was gone. 

“What the hell happened out there?” Davey questioned once you were alone. “I turned around for a second and…”

“I have no idea. Abigail approached me, called me a bitch and poured her coffee on me,” you replied, trying to understand what happened. “Then, she said she had seen us… John and I…”

“I’ve heard that part,” Davey told you. “She’s always been jealous of John, but this… This girl is crazy,” he stated, wetting the other rug and placing it on your other, right thigh that was less burned. 

“Don’t you say,” you grimaced. “Ouch,” you hissed, tilting back your head, so you would not look at your burns. 

“Have you never been burned before?” Davey asked when your fingers touched his gently as you moved them to keep the rag in place. 

“I’ve been, but never like this,” you told him and out of sudden, there was some kind of tension between you and him. His eyes were set on yours when you looked at him and wanted to say something, but you were lacking words. “Davey, I—”

“Y/N!” You were interrupted as John entered the tent. “What the hell, Callander?” he asked once he saw you both together in this, well, awkward situation. 

“I’m here to help her since you can’t even get out of your girl tent undetected,” Davey said stoically. “Maybe you should go back there and make sure your crazy ex won’t pour anything extra on Y/N?”

“Well, maybe you should stop touching her and leave!” John snarled at him. 

“Why won’t you both leave and deal with your problems outside?” Mrs Grimshaw asked once she appeared at the entrance. “Out, both of you! Can’t you see she’s in pain and while you keep arguing with each other over some nonsense?”

“Mrs Grimshaw—”

“Out I said!” she stated firmly and did not let them a word more. Once they both left, she approached you, crouching beside and taking a look at your burns. “Oh dear heart, I think I have something to ease that pain,” she said and unscrew the jar with some ointment inside. “Mac said it would help,” she continued talking while she applied some of it on both of your thighs. It was stinging at first, but after a short while, it stopped and a cool feeling replaced the pain. “How does it feel?”

“Better,” you responded, propping on your elbows. “Thank you for whatever this is,” you pointed your head at the jar.

“You’re very welcome, dove,” she smiled gently and once she reached for bandages she had also carried with her, she asked: “Mind telling me what was that about?”

“Well… It’s complicated,” you replied, trying not to get into details, but at the same time, you knew the whole camp would be discussing what had happened between you and Abigail. “I don’t want to talk about it.” 

“Alright. Just so you know, I don’t support what Miss Roberts did, no matter what motives she had,” Mrs Grimshaw said and offered you the bandages. “Do you want me to help or you will handle it yourself?” 

“I can do it on my own,” you told her once you took the bandages. “Thank you for your help.” 

“That’s the least I could do,” she responded and got up, directing her steps outside. “If you need anything, tell me, miss Morgan.”

Once you were left alone, you had some time to think. You were wrapping bandages around your thighs, trying to understand what had happened between you and Davey a moment earlier. For a second, when your fingers touched, you felt this tension between you, but it was irrational. He and you were just friends. 

But what if something changed along the way? No, it would be silly, because you just started something with John; something you had wanted for so long, it felt like a lifetime and it felt good. Well, mostly good, but it was not John’s fault Abigail acted the way she did. He could not have known, but he could have told her about the whole thing with you sooner. 

When you were done, you laid down again, enjoying the silence that filled up the tent. It was the calm before the storm; in all that mess, you forgot about your brother and the fact he would get mad as soon as he would get back to camp.

Still, he was not there yet and until he was not, you could rest.

* * *

You opened up your eyes when someone covered you with a blanket a few hours later; it was cold and you did not know what was going on until you heard the raspy voice of John. 

“It’s me,” he said, making sure your whole body was covered with a blanket, “get back to sleep…”

“N-no,” you replied, feeling a dry throat. You had swallowed loudly and coughed before you could continue: “What time is it?” 

“Around 7? I’m not sure, but you slept the whole day,” he sat down beside you on the bed and smiled weakly. “How are your legs? Do they hurt much?”

“They don’t hurt that bad,” you told him. “The ointment Mrs Grimshaw got me helped. I have no idea what that was, but it was a lifesaver.” 

“I’m so sorry for what had happened… I had no idea she saw me,” John was talking quietly, “and I had no idea she would be capable of hurting you because of that.”

“Yeah, she has real anger issues,” you agreed, “but you couldn’t have known about it. It’s not your fault, John.”

“I don’t fully agree with you on that,” he shook his head. “I should’ve told her about you and made this whole situation clear. Now… You’re paying for my mistakes.” 

“It’s okay. I’ve been burnt before, so it’s not a big deal,” you sat up, brushing off the blanket from your chest. “Is Arthur back already?” you asked after a while.

“Not yet,” John replied. “I guess he’s gonna be even more pissed than the last time… I promised I wouldn’t let a hair fall from your head.”

“Technically, a hair didn’t fall from my head, so you kept your promise,” you countered. “What about Davey? Is he around?”

“Why would you care about Davey while I’m here?” 

“He’s my friend, John, so I care about him just because,” you explained and sent him a questioning look. “Is there something wrong with it?”

“No. I mean, it’s stupid, but when I saw you two looking at each other earlier I…”

“I’m not sure what you saw, but nothing was going on. He helped me with my burns, that’s it,” you interrupted him, hoping he would not dwell on this. “You were busy keeping Abigail away from me, I guess.” 

“Yeah, we had a difficult conversation,” John agreed. “I told her I won’t be this calm if she ever tries to hurt you again. We might have our issues, but they’re ours, not yours.” He moved closer to you and cupped your right cheek, rubbing it with a thumb. “I might’ve also told her you and I are together now.”

“Bold and cruel of you,” you smiled lightly. 

“Wasn’t it cruel to pour a hot coffee on you?” he asked. 

“She was upset,” you replied instantly. “People do crazy things when they’re angry.”

“Maybe, but it didn’t give her the right to do what she did—”

Before John could finish, Arthur had walked inside the tent. “There you are,” he started. His voice was oddly calm, but your heart skipped a beat the moment you saw him. It was not because of fear - you had never been afraid of Arthur because he would never hurt you. “Mrs Grimshaw told me what happened. Y/N… I don’t even know what to say.” He turned to John. “I leave you with her for a day and this is what happens?”

“It’s not his fault, Arthur,” you spoke. “Besides, I’m fine. It doesn’t look great, but I’m fine.”

“Isn’t it?” Arthur questioned. “Abigail poured this coffee on you because of him! How many times do I have to tell you this won’t end well? What if she poured it on your face?”

“She didn’t,” you replied. “Accidents happen. People get angry. I--What do you want me to say, Arthur? I’m sorry for causing problems.”

“I don’t want you to say anything. I want both of you to stop acting like goddamn children! Life is not what we want and you being  _ together  _ will only cause more trouble than it’s worth it!”

“Ouch, Arthur,” you snorted, shaking your heads slowly. “Thanks for being there for me.” 

“That’s exactly what I do. I’ve been there for you for years!”

“Does it mean you’re allowed to tell me what to do or what not to do?”

“Yes,” Arthur blurted. “I mean--”

“No,” you cut him off. “That’s exactly what you meant.”

“Y/N…”

“Leave, Arthur,” you said. “Leave before you cross the point of no return.” 

“I’m your brother…”

“And I’m your sister,” you interrupted him again. “Stop treating me as if you owned me.”

Arthur clenched his fists, set his jaw and once he glared at you he left, cursing under his breath. A thrill came through your body when a moment later you heard the sound of shattering glass coming from the outside. “Mister Morgan!” Mrs Grimshaw scolded him and he muttered something in response, but you did not hear what he said.

“Are you okay?” John asked after a while

“Not really,” you responded, “but I think it was what we both needed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Better late than never, right? Anyway, thank you so much for reading! 😊


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